


In the Cards

by Flofliflou



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus being fed up with MoM, Angst and Feels, Coma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Post-First War with Voldemort, Protective Severus Snape, Redemption, Sad Severus Snape, Small Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-09-25 21:49:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20378653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flofliflou/pseuds/Flofliflou
Summary: What if, by a twist of fate, Lily had not died that Halloween night of 1981?What if, by some unforeseen circumstances, there had not been one, but two lives to protect? And somehow, it had changed everything.





	1. 31rst of October 1981

**Author's Note:**

> Hello folks! First completed fanfiction! (Yes you've 'heard' me right, it's all written already and I'll be updating quite regularly if I can persuade myself not to post it all at once!)
> 
> I've been playing with that idea for quite some time and finally decided to give it a try when I needed a break from another story. 
> 
> I hope you'll like it as much as I have writing it! Enjoooy!

**31rst of October 1981**

Severus Snape stood frozen in front of the half blasted cottage, in the middle of a quiet and cold village, oblivious to the whirling turmoil of the man, and ignorant of the event that transpired that night. 

Gasping a sharp intake of breath, the stupor broke, plunging him in the atrocious reality, and he took in the sight, feeling like he was discovering it despite having been staring at it for long moments. 

In a daze, he extended his arm slowly, pushing forward the squeaking wooden portal and stepped in the yard, contrasting in its neatness with the disarrayed appearance the façade of the structure offered. Staring but unseeing, he walked up to the door, left ajar, and pushed it in further as he climbed a single step before crossing the threshold. 

The silence that greeted him was eerie, unnatural in its stillness, as if time itself was suspended. Glancing around, nothing out of the ordinary stood out to him. The lights were on, and the remnant of a fire was burning down in quiet crackling in the hearth. Leftovers were neatly encased in glass containers on the kitchen counter, cooling down and ready to be stored in the fridge. 

His eyes were caught by the wand that lay forgotten on the couch, his mind uncomprehending, even as a voice deep in the back of it screamed its conclusions. Looking around, Severus directed his steps further in the house, a smell of dust and explosion swimming around, permeating the walls, curtains and carpet, and made Severus unconsciously scrunched up his nose. As he progressed towards a small open arch, he halted in his tracks as he gazed upon the rigid figure sprawled over the first steps of the stairs. Nothing came to mind upon realizing who the figure was as he got closer. No emotion, sentiment or reaction stirred in him as he looked into the unseeing open hazel eyes, frozen in death. It simply was. 

He walked over the body, one hand clenched around the banister, the other pressed against the wall as he ascended, a nasty ominous foreboding strengthening its hold on his insides with each steps. The smell was worsening in the stall air. Severus stopped as he reached the final steps, shuddering a few breaths, the hope he hadn’t thought himself stupid enough to entertain already crumbling, turning into poison that slowly but surely made its way to his heart. 

Compelled by as much morbid curiosity as the genuine need to know, he took a step forward slowly, noise absorbed by the dusty carpet until he reached the room right in front of him. The door had been smashed open, revealing the entirety of what used to be a nursery as soon as Severus stood close enough. 

The shock of what waited for him in the room stole his breath, his heart clenching painfully in his chest as he gasped out an anguished cry. He stumbled, barely catching himself to the wall behind him. Unable to stay upright, it was all he could do to slide down without forcefully crashing to the floor, where splinted wood was scattered about. 

Reality crashed around him, muted sounds now exploding in his mind, dulled colors now blinding him. There, right in front of him was the broken form of the woman he’d always loved, lying on the floor where she had fallen, her fiery red hair sprawled around her head like a gruesome halo, one arm on her stomach, the other extended next to her. 

The frightened wails and sniffling that filled the room were lost to Severus, who was incapable of diverting his eyes away from the still form of Lily Evans.  
He couldn’t breathe as pain flooded all his senses, shattering the self-control he used to pride himself over, and wracking, painful sobs ripped through his chest. Before long, his face was drenched with tears, now crying alongside the child he couldn’t bear to look at, and he had moved next to the prone form of his former best friend, his arms swooping down to cradle her to his chest. 

He didn’t know how long he stayed like this, rocking Lily back and forth gently. The pain wouldn’t relent, a dull ever presence and yet exploding with each breath, with each tear rolling down his cheeks. 

This wasn’t what he had wanted. She was supposed to stay safe, hidden away in that godforsaken village, away from the menace of the Dark Lord looming over her family, away from the dangers of the raging war for power that had engulfed wizarding Britain. Dumbledore himself had ensured the protective charms and wards were effective and efficient. The house itself had been placed under the Fidelius charm, it should have kept her safe. The miserable excuse for a wizard supposed to have been the secret keeper must have talked. They must have gone blabbering to the Dark Lord, disgustingly begging for protection in exchange of the location of the Potters. The second he got his hands on the miserable vermin responsible for this he would… he would..

He looked down at the surreally peaceful figure Lily offered, her eyes closed and her features relaxed, an oddity in the chaos around them and within Severus.  
Another sob ripped through his ribcage. 

No.

The fidelius charm would never even have been necessary in the first place if it hadn’t been for that senseless prophecy. He pressed his head down, his forehead resting on the top of Lily’s head as cold devastating horror engulfed him. 

A prophecy _he_ himself had delivered to the Dark Lord. A prophecy, his master had decided pointed to the small boy crying not far from him, and to his mother. A prophecy that planted a target on them all, and had begun a hunt Severus despaired over every night, plagued his dreams, drove him to insanity with each passing day. A prophecy that had pushed him to the edge, making him fully jump into the role of a spy to the Light, and dotted him with the desperate determination to do anything in the realm of possibilities to counteract the dreadful unfolding it predicted. 

And yet. 

She was dead. Never again would she smile, never again would she laugh, never again would her eyes bubble with mirth, lit up with intelligence or soften with affection. She was dead and he had killed her. 

The last shred of the delusion he had tried to convince himself were torn apart as realization crashed around him. It was neither in Dumbledore, nor the Secret Keeper, nor the Prophecy that rested the blame for this tragedy. It was in him. It was entirely his fault. Each breath was being dragged out and his chest was heaving painfully as he clutched Lily’s limp body against him. 

A choked hiccup eventually made Severus look up and his eyes fell on the sobbing toddler in his crib, small hands tightly clenched around the bars and eyes unswervingly nailed towards the unmoving form of his mother, mumbling an incoherent stream of “mummy” between the tears. It was the first time he ever laid eyes on the child. Severus hiccupped and swallowed at the mop of black hair already adorning the brat’s head. Nothing could have prepared him for what came next and he violently startled as those eyes suddenly looked straight at him, as if drawn like a magnet. Severus felt like his heart stopped once again, his chest tightening and his breath hitching in and out. 

Vibrant emerald green eyes, glistening with tears and burning pure sadness and misery. 

Severus closed his eyes, shakily exhaling as he tried to calm himself down. Lily’s eyes. The brat… the boy had inherited his mother’s eyes, the woman he was holding in his arms and those eyes were staring at him with more pain than he had ever seen in them. 

Swallowing, and uncomprehending his own actions even as he was moving, he released the body of the one person he had ever truly loved, gently laying her down onto the carpet and smoothing the fiery red hair slowly with his hand. He rose then, making his way to the crib, and the boy fearfully looked up at him, tears abiding for a moment as he took stock of the man approaching, hiccupping. Severus was breathing heavily under the innocence that lay there, and he stopped short as the little boy’s arms lifted up with a pitiful cry. 

Severus could only stand there, aghast and at a loss. It seemed his instincts took over, for before he knew it, the little boy was in his arms, pressed against his chest and face nuzzled in the crook of his neck. Far from rendering Severus uncomfortable as he’d assumed, the weight and warmth of the toddler were anchoring him. The world had shifted on its axis and the boy was the only thing keeping him form delving into despairing sobs once more. The boy had resumed crying quietly, but his breathing had regularized. Severus took to rock the boy slowly, shushing him quietly while one hand drew circles on his back. Caught up in the repetitive soothing gesture – which he didn’t quite realize was as much for the boy’s benefit as for him – he didn’t notice as two other people had entered the house, and made their way up to the nursery after stopping upon the dead body of James Potter. 

Severus stilled as he heard the soft banging of the door pushed against the wall, and he relaxed minutely upon meeting the blue worried gaze of his mentor. Next to him was standing the smaller figure of Minerva McGonagall, his teacher not so long ago. 

Severus went back to rocking the boy and closed his eyes, unwilling to meet either of the other’s gaze, fearing to see what he was already feeling. Disappointment, horror, resentment, loathing. Minerva was silently crying as she approached Lily’s unmoving and in death, peaceful form. 

“Oh gods…” she whispered shakily, her hand stroking Lily’s hair gently, as if she was afraid she would break. Much like Severus before her, she couldn’t look away, despite the tears in her eyes blurring her vision. She felt Albus’ presence behind her and gasped out a sob as his hand came to rest on her trembling shoulder. 

Severus looked up at that, and couldn’t help staring mouth agape at the ordinarily stern and oh so composed professor. Albus was watching the young man carefully with an unguarded expression of grief and Severus had to lower his gaze when their eyes met. There was no loathing there, no resentment or horror. Just unabashed, infinite grief and…compassion. It nearly made Severus ill, and he had to focus on the now quiet little boy in his arms. He didn’t deserve compassion. He deserved worse than the fate he had condemned Lily to. He hated himself for it and they should too. 

Minerva rubbed her eyes free of tears and her vision cleared as she looked upon Lily’s face once again, brushing her knuckles on the warm and rosy cheek.  
She frowned, her breathing subtly but suddenly more shallow as she considered this impossibility. Lily was dead… How could her cheeks be warm? James had been as cold as stone. 

“Albus…” She whispered as she touched the young woman’s cheek again, before going for her throat, where a pulse would have beaten if she had been…“Oh by Merlin!” Minerva exclaimed, jumping backwards and overbalancing backwards in shock. 

Both men snapped their attention to her; Severus, eyebrows drawn in confusion, Albus already moving. He knelt down and pressed two fingers where Minerva’s had been moments prior. Severus’ heart clenched painfully in his chest with maddening hope. Why would they check Lily’s pulse? She was dead… Wasn’t she? 

Racking his memory furiously, it dawned on him like a hippogriff that he had in fact, not even thought of checking for a pulse. He frantically glanced between his mentor’s face and the inanimate body of his best friend, head spinning with clashing thoughts. Hope against rationality. 

Albus nearly gasped and that surprised further than Minerva’s outburst had, for the man was rarely surprised by anything. Severus took a slow step forward, a small whimper reminding him not to clutch too tightly the small weight in his arms. 

“What-“

“Unbelievable…” Albus mused in wonder, a smile already creeping on his lips. Minerva seemed to understand and she let out a disbelieving laugh, full of relief, tears washing her face anew. Albus caressed Lily’s hair back and his smile deepened as he briefly looked up to Severus who stood stock-still and hardly breathing. 

“She’s alive,” he heard Albus say. “Lily’s alive.” 

The words didn’t make sense. How could they? Then Albus looked up again, eyes glistening with tears and it hit Severus like a ton of bricks. 

“Oh gods,” he nearly cried out, falling to his knees, with his hold on the boy secure. 

Lily was alive. His Lily was alive. He looked up to the skies and could only mutter ‘thanks’ for several minutes as he held onto the little boy who had finally stopped crying.


	2. September 1981

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you gooo!

**September 1981**

Sweet, soft, low humming filled the dimly lit nursery. Colorful shadows were dancing on the walls, illuminating cherry wood furniture, creating a serene, peaceful atmosphere, secluded away from the darkness reigning outside the protective bubble keeping the small family safe. 

James Potter would be blissfully happy if not for the now lulled worries that had been nagging at him constantly in the back of his mind since they had gone into hiding. Right now however, it could be forgotten, if only for short moments. He was holding his pride and joy in the form of a fast asleep one-year old. He smiled tenderly down at his son. He had fallen asleep quickly, despite the post bath excitement. Spending all afternoon speeding on his small broom toy had tired him enough that it had only taken James five minutes of gentle rocking for the boy to fall into Morpheus arms. 

“How’s Harry?”

James slowly turned on his heels, and was met with Lily’s gently amused gaze. She was leaning against the door jamb, arms crossed against her chest and her hair was falling over her shoulder as she peered over at him. He smiled back, looking towards Harry once more, never stopping the quiet rocking. 

“He fell like a log,” he chuckled and was echoed by Lily as she peeled herself from the door and crossed the space between them, coming to circle his waist with her arms from behind, pressing the side of her face on his shoulder to look down on her baby boy. 

They stayed like this for a quiet handful of cherished moments before Lily’s soft expression sobered up minutely, James being none the wiser, his attention entirely focused on the angelic features adorned by a mop of black hair. 

Lily squeezed James’ waist, trying to ground herself as a lump formed in her throat and a ball of nerves settled in her stomach at the thought of what she desperately needed to tell her husband. She had put it off for too long already. 

James did not react to the squeeze other than shifting his head closer to Lily’s, a content smile playing on his lips and she bit her lower lip. 

“We should put him to bed,” she could only murmur, afraid her voice would shake otherwise. Pressing a kiss on James’ shoulder for good measure, she released her embrace and circled around him with her hands outstretched. James released the baby boy readily enough to his wife, passing a hand through the raven locks gently and Lily relaxed slightly. 

Holding her son securely against her chest, focusing on the warmth of the bundle and the regular swell of his chest as he breathed, effectively ebbed the anxiety associated with her coming confession. 

Putting Harry down slowly in his crib, she kissed his forehead, lingering there a little, before easing the boy in his rompers. 

She watched him for a few seconds, taking in the perfectly serene face that only babies display as they sleep and couldn’t help but feel her face split into a smile at the warm, fuzzing feeling that engulfed her. 

There was nothing else. Nothing _more_ than this. Nothing comparing to the moment her baby boy had been settled in her arms for the first time. Nothing comparing to the sight of the perfect baby, new to the world, living and breathing, pressed against her chest. Nothing comparing to the pride, unaltered happiness, the love and bliss she had felt radiating in all her being, filling her with brilliant joy. 

It was only a flitting moment of astonishment upon discovering that this little, oh so little, thing, this beautiful and vulnerable new life that had been inside of her for so long and was now here, entirely depended on her to care for and to protect. She had fallen in love all over again, with James by her side and holding her against him, with her holding their son against her. 

All the worries, fears, darkness had vanished. Everything had gone away, disappearing in the background, far away from the insidious evil that was trying to snake its way and destroy the most perfect treasure she had. 

Lily furrowed her brows as the memory faded. The darkness wasn’t very far away anymore. It couldn’t simply be vanished away that easily despite all the precautions and protections in the world. The red-head knew in her heart that the smothering darkness had never been so close. She resented it.   
As she looked down on the angelic yawning figure, she resented the very being that incarnated all her fears, she hated _it_, loathed it with every fiber of her body. 

She released a shaky breath and had to stop the now instinctive habit she had so rapidly picked up replacing her trembling hand on the crib’s top rail, far from her midsection. She heard James shuffle behind her, undoubtedly coming closer and she didn’t give him – or her – the time to do anything else. She needed to tell him now, before she chickened out, before something else came up, before it was too late. 

“James I need to tell you something,” she all but blurted out, swiveling around on her heels as she did. 

A brief expression of surprise crossed James’ features at the sudden solemn declaration and he blinked a couple of times before frowning in concern. 

“Is everything alright love?”

The endearment was nothing new, nothing she hadn’t heard before. James had taken to use it ever since they started dating, and it had always filled her with pleasant warmth and tugged a smile on her lips. Now however, in light of what she needed to confess, it only managed to spike up her anxiety. 

How would he react? Concern and love were oozing from him in waves as he took her in. She loved him. Merlin she loved him so much, and she knew how much he did love her in return but at this simple word, testimony of what they felt, her heart clenched in her chest and her hands felt clammy. 

Oh gods, this wasn’t the time. How could she have been so forgetful? They were at war! In hiding, from a madman no less! A maniac who believed in a half-assed prophecy proclaiming that a year-old baby was to possess bigger powers than he did, and thus said maniac logically deduced to eradicate the problem by killing said one-year-old baby. 

Lily tightened her jaw, steeling herself as she looked back to James’ increasingly concern-clouded expression. 

“Let’s go downstairs,” she sighted, resigned. 

No matter how things would go over, she didn’t want to take the risk and wake Harry. James glanced at her quizzically before nodding, following her as she strode out of the nursery. If the worry of impairing Harry’s sleep was now quelled, none of her previous concerns eased up, and now that she was pacing relentlessly on their living room rug in front of a very puzzled James, what she had to say weighted on her like a ton of bricks. 

In turn, James sat on their sofa, silent as he watched his wife obviously working herself up to try and explain something. He knew from experience that the best course of action was to let her go through her thoughts without pressure, and she would eventually express whatever it was that was plaguing her mind. Regardless, he couldn’t help but feel increasingly worried at the troubled air she had on her face and the skittish glances she would throw his way now and then. 

After at least five minutes had passed in near complete silence beyond Lily’s shuffling over the carpet, James thought that perhaps, this once, he ought to prob.   
“Lily, love, perhaps it would be best to just you know, be out with it,” he tentatively said. She had halted her pacing and turned to face him as he spoke. He gave her a steady, encouraging glance he hoped to be reassuring. 

Lily exhaled sharply and licked her lips. No backing out now. 

“I’m pregnant.” 

Deathly silence welcomed her words. She had stopped breathing as soon as she’d said them, keeping her eyes firmly on James, whose only reaction so far had been to stare at her. It took several seconds for the words to register, for James to even start comprehending their individual meaning, let alone the full sentence. He blinked owlishly at her several times before it hit him. His eyes grew as round as saucers and he gaped, before suddenly feeling incredibly light. 

_This_ was what she had been so afraid telling him? 

His face split up into a beaming smile and he jumped to his feet, barely noticing the utterly astonished look on Lily’s face before he had her in his arms. 

“It’s wonderful Lils, it’s amazing!” he laughed, spinning her around with unabated elation. 

Lily felt like she’d been confounded ten times over, right there and then as James was twirling them around with joy in his chest as he laughed pure happiness. She held onto him tightly gob-smacked until he put her back on the ground, her previous assumptions shaterring right in front of her. 

She couldn’t help the small smile that played on her lips at the reaction, but it quickly faded the next time James spoke. 

“But why do you look so heartbroken over it?” he asked searching her face with a frown dimming the previous beatific expression. 

She stared at him a pained look on her face. “James, we’re at war,” she breathed, emphasizing the last word. “Voldemort is out there, spreading terror, killing everyone opposing him and he’s looking for _us_, for our little boy…” her voice cracked and she trailed off, averting James’ eyes as she could feel hers swimming with yet unshed tears. 

Understanding flooded him and all traces of confusion ebbed away. He sighed softly and brought a hand up behind Lily’s head, pressing her against him and he felt her arms, seeking seemingly very needed comfort. 

“I know Lils,” he whispered in her hair. “But it doesn’t mean we should stop living, fearing to die. That’d equate to be letting him win.”

Lily said nothing but found the strength to nod weakly. James released her gently and looked down at her softly, even as she seemed confused by the gesture.   
“This,” he said, putting his hand reverently on her still flat stomach and brushing his thumb on it gently, “is a gift, my Lily. Another of the best gift I could ever hope for.” 

Her eyes filled with tears as he proclaimed this, so much affection, trust and honesty in his voice and eyes that it was all she could do to allow a laughing sob out as all the anxiety disappeared. The cloud that had plagued her peace of mind since she had found out, finally ebbing away. 

He smiled and gathered her back in his embrace as she cried. 

She was still terrified. There was only one thing she wanted and it was for her family to be safe. For her children to be safe and happy, cared for and to grow up in a world where they wouldn’t have to look behind their shoulder constantly to watch out for Voldemort or his death eaters. But with James by her side, she would face them all. With his support and his love she would do everything in her power to ensure this came to pass. 

She was still terrified. But she would die ensuring she made that wish a reality. She wasn’t a lioness for nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! The next one will be up soon! Don't hesitate to leave comments to give your impressions, I'm totally open to *constructive* criticism! :)


	3. 1rst of November 1981

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe this is one of the longer chapters! Happy Reading!

“I simply do not understand,” Poppy Pomfrey muttered to herself as she straightened away from the one year-old boy propped on the examination table. 

She had been uttering uncomprehending murmurs under her breath since the headmaster had related what he had gathered from the events that had transpired in Godrics Hollow that night. Dawn was creeping through the tall windows, pouring its opalescent and cold light in the sterile hospital wing. 

The rest of the present party had been mostly silent, reverently leaving Poppy to her examination and not daring to interrupt the litany of sighs and mutters just yet. Poppy would have been grateful, if she hadn’t been too focused on the medimagical mystery she was currently observing to notice. 

The little boy was wide awake, sitting with his legs arched in a semi-circle in front of him like small children are prone to do before they grow older. He had been asleep for most of Poppy’s examination and awoke at her prompting, thirty minutes prior. Not nearly as grumpy as she would have expected him to be after being taken out of his sleep, she had struggled quite a lot in order to keep him still as he made to stand on the meter-high table or crawl towards the edge every five minutes. If this was any indication, she could already predict this boy was going to run himself into accidents quite often. 

He had finally stopped fussing after Minerva transfigured one pillow into a stuffed bear and the boy had been babbling at it for the past ten minutes, once or twice pushing it towards the edge and curiously peering down as it fell. Minerva’s spell work levitating it back onto the table seemed to greatly amuse him as he would automatically dissolve into a fit of clear giggles, clapping his hands enthusiastically. 

Minerva was smiling softly as she took in the child who was now curiously staring around him with big wide green eyes, seemingly trying to take it all in. Her hands were clasped as they all awaited for Poppy’s diagnosis and the distraction the child was unknowingly offering was easing her worries. Albus had been standing beside her, he too waiting silently and glancing sideways occasionally, to the younger man sitting by the side of the bed next to that of the little boy, his back to them and his attention unwavering from the unconscious occupant of the bed. 

Poppy’s last comment, the only intelligible one she had said so far, broke the relatively quiet yet uneasy daze they all had been complacent in for the last hour or so.   
“What is it Poppy?” Minerva promptly asked as she caught the mediwitch’s words, her eyes finally leaving the little boy. 

Poppy turned to face her colleagues, keeping a hand on the boy, less he decided crawling off the bed was a good idea once more. 

“Your suspicions were correct Albus,” she stated glancing at the headmaster who tilted his head in acknowledgement. “There are indeed traces of dark magic in Harry’s system, but what has me baffled is that the curse that was used should have killed him,” she went on pointedly, knowing they would catch on her meaning.   
Minerva’s eyes grew wide as she stifled a gasp and Albus’ face immediately closed off, watching the boy gravely. Even Severus turned to glance at the entirely oblivious, babbling child. 

“The Killing curse,” he whispered so softly it was a miracle anyone heard him. 

Poppy nodded somberly and turned to Harry, lifting his chin very gently and pushing away few strands of the already unruly black hair. There, red, raw and angry, was a lighting shaped scar. The attention of all present adults zoomed in towards the scar, half in horror, half in wonder. 

“This seems to be where the curse struck. The dark magic signature is strongest and seems to radiate from here,” Poppy continued her explanation. 

Minerva squinted behind her glasses adjusting them higher up on her nose. “Am I mistaken in thinking that this is the rune ‘Sowilo’?” 

“The rune for ‘sun’, but how-“ Poppy trailed off just as Minerva was about to open her mouth to correct her. “It also represents success and life-giving force,” she realized in quiet wonder. She turned to Harry once more, eyes coursing over the little boy and resting on the scar. She had not thought of that, but upon closer inspection, the idea held merit. It seemed she wasn’t the only one to agree on that account, if Severus’ curious approach and subsequent subtle jerk back was of any indication. 

“It does indeed look so, my dear Minerva,” Albus chimed in, he too now standing closer. 

“But what does it mean?” Poppy heard herself ask before she could think better of it. 

Albus’ eyes had not held their usual twinkle for quite some time, but the added seriousness it gave his gaze was nothing compared to the mixture of puzzlement and comprehension now coating his face. He stayed silent for several moments, pondering his answer. An answer he knew to be inherently erroneous. Facts didn’t add up. Couldn’t add up. 

“As many other things wizards seem to have conveniently forgotten, runes – their meanings and uses – have spilled over in the wizarding world from muggle civilizations. This particular rune,” he explained cautiously, “literally translates to sun. Other meanings, however, include life-giving force, as you pointed out Poppy. Because it also stands for dedication, optimism, physical and mental strength, or invigoration, it was often used by muggle warriors before battles. For protection. That particular interpretation has been lost or purposely avoided because of its close link to muggle wars, and few are the wizards that will ever be able to stretch far enough to include it in this rune’s translation.”

His younger colleagues seemed enraptured in his explanation when he paused to measure his next words and looked up. They seemed to understand there was a point in his little historical anecdote, for they were all waiting for him to pursue, silent and focused. 

If he was right, this would be prodigious magic. Despite his many years, Albus could still not wrap his mind over how his conjectures could even remotely be correct.   
“Nonetheless, some remains. Some marginalized schools of thought still include protection as a viable translation. One of the highest kinds of protection, in fact. The kind that always comes with a price.”

Albus took a step toward the little boy, who barely reacted to this tall white-bearded tower now looming over him, very aware of the baited breath with which his younger colleagues were waiting for him to continue. His hand came up to stroke Harry’s hair gently and the boy looked up with a few-teeth-smile that turned the curve of Albus’ lips up. He sighed and turned back to the expectant adults. 

“It usually comes with a sacrifice,” he said finally. “I would have believed it came about, due to Lily’s fierce protectiveness over her son, for this is what this rune presupposes. That Lily’s love would protect her boy; protection for which the price would be her death,” he explained calmly. “Lily, however, is not dead. I cannot begin to fathom as to how such a thing is possible. The killing curse has been aimed straight towards both Lily and Harry and yet neither is dead. Harry seems well enough, and Lily seems quite literally asleep,” he mused. 

Without prompting, Poppy had raised her wand and wordlessly transfigured the examination table on which Harry was propped up into a crib and she had turned towards the slumbering form of Lily Potter, circling around a frowning Severus in order to get to her. 

Beyond ensuring the young woman basic vitals and the presence of dark magic similar to Harry wouldn’t hurt her further, she had quickly attended the needs of the little boy, de facto more vulnerable. 

She took her time, weaving the complicated patters of more advanced diagnosis charms, checking for any disturbance in the normal functioning of her physiological system and magical core. A parchment appeared next to her and filled up as she went, recording everything she picked up from the examination. At last Poppy went through the final checks and snatched the parchment, scanning it with practiced ease, her eyes dancing over the page. Unsurprisingly and just like for Harry, remnants of dark magic could be found, and she could confirm now that it was indeed the killing curse. Which did not exactly answer any of their questions. Poppy frowned deeply at that. Albus was right, it could not make sense for both of them to be alive. 

Perhaps being hit by the curse was enough for the protection afforded by the rune to activate, explaining Harry’s survival? But it did not explain how Lily could be alive. Quite the opposite in fact. 

Pursuing her reading, her heart quite literally jumped to her throat and her eyes widened as she reached a particular line of the parchment. 

“Oh Merlin,” she whispered after reading for the third time. 

“What? What is it?”

She almost jumped in surprise at Severus’ words. As focused and entranced in her care as she had been, Poppy had not realized the young man’s approach. He was now standing very close to her, desperately trying to get a glimpse of whatever it was that had made Poppy Pomfrey lose her cool professional demeanor. 

She snatched the parchment away out of sheer habit to ensure patient confidentiality against overzealous friends and over concerned guardians. Severus scowled deeply but she paid him no mind, instead raising her wand once more. She intended to ascertain this particular result before she babbled it out loud inconsequently. 

She had the particularly strong suspicious that this…finding was the answer to their confusion. A quick series of charms later and she dropped her wand arm in astonishment. Astonishment imbued with a growing urge to smile that seemed entirely foreign after the latest development. 

“Well?”

It was Minerva this time. The tone was clipped and Poppy looked up to be met with a growingly impatient audience. She glanced between the Headmaster and Minerva, deliberately but subtly avoiding Severus for this piece of news as she suspected the displeasure it was likely to produce in the young man. 

“Lily’s pregnant,” she announced clearly and unsurprisingly, her words were welcomed by deafening silence, before shocked gasps broke it. 

Nearly as soon as the shock wore off, Albus’ face contorted into amazed realization. He glanced between Harry’s forehead and Lily, then Lily’s stomach. He blinked several times as he exhaled, looking skywards with a pleased smile gracing his lips That was it. The missing variable in his equation. 

Lily’s love was what saved Harry. It had been strong enough to bind the protection of the rune to the boy, effectively saving him from Voldemort’s attempt to kill him. But Lily wouldn’t have stopped there, not knowing that she was pregnant with another child. Lily would have done everything she could to protect her child- children, and Albus suspected Lily to be bold and smart enough to work around even her death. 

The only way she could ensure Harry’s survival was to die. The only way she could ensure her unborn child’s survival was to live. 

“She is in a magically induced coma, isn’t she?” he asked Poppy, although they both knew it wasn’t so much a question as a mean to hear it confirmed. 

Poppy nodded gravely. “That’s what it seems. Her magical core seems to be revolving around the child she’s carrying,” she explained thus confirming Albus’ theory. The old wizard nodded gravely, already considering the implications of such revelations. 

Harry was safe, protected by the blood protection awarded by Lily’s sacrifice, as long as he stayed in a home where resided their blood; in Hogwarts with Lily nearby, he couldn’t be safer at the moment. As for Lily, she was alright for now too, but there was no downplaying the weight of the situation they found themselves in. Her magical core had reacted in order to protect her child and as long as there was something to protect she would be fine. It was the ‘after’ Albus was worried about.   
Severus wouldn’t bear having to endure her death a second time after such mad hope had been rekindled. The rest of them wouldn’t fare much better, him not the least. He sighed deeply suddenly feeling the weight of the war and his years as he contemplated the fatalist outcome that couldn’t yet be ruled out of the realm of possibilities. 

Albus glanced at Harry, taking his time to commit to memory the features and expressions of the little boy. As if feeling a gaze on him, Harry looked up and for a moment blue met green and the depth and intensity of the gaze trapped Albus long enough that he had to be startled out of it by Minerva’s comforting squeeze. She was glancing at him with a tight lip smile that told him she’d grasped the same reality he had, and yet neither of them seemed to be quite ready to voice those thoughts. Sorting this out was going to be more than intricately complex. He decided he would rather not dwell on the dread that came with even fathoming a lack of viable solution and instead focused on more pressing issues. They still had months from the looks of it. 

He straightened, squaring his shoulders minutely, almost unconsciously as he made a mental list of what needed to be done. 

“I will be scheduling an order meeting tonight. No doubt the news of what transpired in Godrics Hollow would have travelled through rumors and hearsays already. I advise caution regardless of Voldemort’s apparent demise and that only those not currently accomplishing a mission gather here.” Minerva immediately nodded, recognizing Albus’ intonations, and she swiftly turned on her heels to take care of delivering the order. 

“Poppy, I do not believe myself mistaken in assuming Lily is quite safe at the moment, and that nothing can be done?” 

The medwitch nodded once in the same brisk, business-like manner her colleague had, seconds earlier. 

“I will place a monitoring charm on her as to ensure I be immediately notified if her condition changes. I have not dealt with coma patients for quite some time since starting at the school and I’ll check in with St Mungo’s as to the proceedings to attend basic physical needs; dealing with the pregnancy on top of that won’t make things easier and I would rather make sure I do not miss anything.”

“Thank you Poppy,” Albus answered as she left them to head towards her office. 

It left only Severus and Albus in the main infirmary chamber and silence fell upon them once more. The younger man had barely spoken since Albus and Minerva had found him and his face still bore the shock of the recent events. Albus studied him, noticing the dark circles under his eyes, telltales of the rampant exhaustion and stress he must be enduring. Albus sighed imperceptibly. The blatant evidence of the war etched in all of his former student’s physiognomy was not something he was glad to observe, especially considering his own role into adding weight to an already heavy burden. 

He thinned his lips, familiar resigned guilt swirling slowly in the background of his mind. He did not regret asking Severus Snape to turn spy for the Order of the Phoenix in the fight against Voldemort. What he did have remorse for, was the way in which he all but bullied the young man into putting his life further in danger. Severus had come to him. Despite the danger. Albus was not arrogant enough to claim responsibility over Severus’ actions in following Voldemort. The man had made his choice and would have to deal with the consequences with his own conscience. But Albus’ misgivings were equally at fault for creating the push factors that led Severus into making this decision. Albus was well aware that he had not tried to put an end to the suspicious climate revolving around Slytherin house as much as he should have in a context where many students there sorted, were already far more exposed than many others. Cunning and survival skills are better honed in hostile environment and Albus could never claim having been ignorant of the home life many Slytherins shared. Severus included. Hogwarts days for the young boy had not all been pleasant but for one Lily Evans and after that last link to affection the boy ever knew was severed, he had been left to his own decides to cope with the pain and loneliness he had been carrying all along. 

He could not blame Severus for focusing on Lily in his request to spare her to Voldemort. He was acutely aware that the mere act of asking a question Tom would deem unpleasant enough could very well mean torture or death. As set on obliterating the threat against his power as Voldemort was, Severus would never be foolish enough to dare ask mercy for the boy. 

_ “You disgust me.” _

Albus felt the cold words settle unpleasantly in the pit of his stomach as the memory assaulted him. What would _he_, Albus, have done? He, who had been so utterly foolish in his own youth, more so than Severus ever had, arrogant and avid for power. Regardless of Severus’ fault, he had come to Albus seeking help. Despite the danger, he had come to him to try and fix the grave mistake he had committed in reporting the prophecy to his master. His wanting to save Lily, his only friend, over that of the bully that had made his life a living hell and a boy he knew nothing of but as the living expression of what he had lost, was not surprising. It was expected and if anything…instinctive. 

Severus was once more sitting next to Lily’s bed, shoulders hunched over and looking like he bore the weight of the world. Albus watched him extend his hand slowly and rest it on top of Lily’s. 

For all his introspection and observations of the young man, he had not noticed Harry standing up, his head barely above the bars of the crib.   
“Severus…”

He was interrupted by a pitiful whale that startled him and snapped Severus out of whatever dreadful thought he had been dwelling on. The young man all but jumped to his feet and was by the crib before Albus could even blink. It was all he could do to stand there, owlishly gaping at his former student as the black-clad young man bent down to lift the son of his childhood nemesis up. The boy had been reaching his little chubby hands up and his cries instantly stopped once he was firmly but oh so gently held, his head naturally resting in the crux of the man’s neck, his thumb in his mouth. 

Severus, entirely oblivious to his mentor’s gaping, simply rocked the little boy in a similar fashion as he had back in the nursery, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. And meanwhile, Albus could only stand there, bewildered at a sight he never thought he would see in a million years. 

Severus was turning on himself as he rocked the child and all his muscles froze upon meeting the awestruck figure of the Headmaster. Neither said anything, for what could be said? They simply stared at each other for several moments, seemingly leading a silent conversation as Albus felt his lips twitch fondly, brow lifting in a wordless, amused question. 

Severus huffed haughtily, lifting his chin up in what he knew to be childish attempt at dismissing the abominable all-knowing twinkling in his mentor’s eyes, before turning away. A thought came to his mind as he was once more faced with Lily’s unmoving form. Swallowing around the lump in his throat he stepped forward, coming to sit down on the edge of the bed. Harry looked up upon noticing the identity of the sleeping figure and released his thumb from his mouth. He reached out to his mother, whimpering when he was too far to touch her. Severus peered down at him as the boy seemed to try and close the distance with his mother without fully releasing his hold on him. 

Amused, he nonetheless whipped out the smile off his face as soon as he realized it was there. Better not give more ammunition to the twinkling. He bent forward to allow the child to touch Lily, He could only stare as Harry reverently put his hand flat on Lily’s cheek and kept it there for a few seconds, as if he understood the solemnity and the gravity of the situation. 

Harry slowly brought his hand back to himself and turned his head around, seeking Severus’ face. The young man’s breath nearly caught as his eyes met Harry’s. He still couldn’t look straight into them without the sudden urge to dissolve into sobs. It wasn’t though the one-year-old was pouting his lower lip forward and his brows were drawn together, ready to cry himself that had Severus thrown off, but the intensity of the fear and sadness he could detect in one so young. He released the breath he had not realized he had been holding as he took in the silent plea so painfully obvious in the green orbs. On impulse, but still unsure, he brought one hand up slowly so as not startle the child and cupped the back of Harry’s head, stroking it gently with his thumb as he brought the boy close to his chest, hugging him as tightly as he could. Despite the boy having clearly demonstrated his trust in the short time they had known each other – and as far as the trust of a one-year old could go – Severus still found himself surprised when Harry snuggled closer, the small frame heaving up and down with quiet sobs. 

Who ever said children did not understand anything… The little boy might not have understood the circumstances, but obviously had picked up on the immobile form of his mother, and the heavy atmosphere that had followed Poppy’s revelations. 

Severus swallowed with difficulty, the guilt rousing its ugly head once more. Lily was not dead, but this, the pure and unabated sorrow oozing off this child was entirely his fault. And yet the boy was snuggling against him as if he were an anchor in the storming seas, a beacon of light in the whirling skies. 

He had thought he would only ever be able to muster hate for this boy. The living reminder of what he had lost, taunting him and reminding him of his shortcomings and failure, of the one mistake that had changed everything. And yet, upon laying eyes on the fat, honest and so deeply pained tears rolling down the chubby cheeks of a little boy that had done nothing yet but be alive, he could not. One look and he had been utterly and entirely unable to ignore the cries that he knew he was the cause of. Hugging the little boy had been the most natural thing in the world. Comforting him so that he would stop crying over the tragedy he had been forced through for the sole reason of being alive. 

When the boy had answered his attempts at comfort and quietened down, it had been as if something had rightened itself in Severus. As if perhaps, something could be salvaged out of this disastrous chain of events he had started and that put them all in this dire situation. Perhaps he wasn’t as powerless to make things even marginally better. 

Without any conscious deliberation on his part, Severus had made a decision the night before. When he had found himself compelled to comfort this child for the first time. In the privacy of his own mind he had vowed that he would do everything in his power to protect that little boy. To ensure that his own foolishness and dreadful mistake would not have to bring further harm to a being that had lost everything in a single night, while deserving none of it. 

Now, as he was once more holding Harry, realization finally dawned on him. What his silent promise meant, for him, for Harry and everyone else involved. 

He had committed himself to the light fully and unconditionally the moment he had realized the Dark Lord’s plans. His spying was being kept secret and privy to only a select few. The wizarding world might think the Dark Lord to be dead, but Severus had never been more certain of anything than in his assumption regarding his ‘master’s’ survival. If the constant worry lines creasing Albus’ forehead and the vague haunted look ever present despite the twinkling were anything to go by, he wasn’t the only one. 

If the Dark Lord ever managed to find a way to come back to haunt them all, how would he be able to continue what needed to be done to ensure his ‘master’ was stopped, while playing guardian to the very person _he_ wished to kill. 

Closing his eyes for a moment, Severus released a slow, low breath as he gathered his thoughts. As if this was the only worry… He would protect Harry. No matter that the boy was James Potter’s brat. It hardly mattered now that the man was dead, and Harry most likely wouldn’t remember enough of his father – as sad as this was for the boy – for him to have any influence. To him, and for the moment he had locked into those teary eyes, Harry was first and foremost, Lily’s child. The one she had saved by sacrificing her life, the one she was in a coma for. Well one of the one she was in the coma for. 

Severus reopened his eyes and looked towards his former best friend and to her still quite flat stomach. He couldn’t divert his gaze away for several seconds and he swallowed with difficulty uneasiness creeping over him. Lily was alive solely because of the child she was carrying. The mere fathom of what would happen once that wasn’t the case was enough to make him dizzy and bile to churn in his guts. 

As he breathed deeply once more to reign in the amounting wave of panic, a small cough brought him back to reality and he slowly turned to face his mentor, who seemed to have been watching him closely for quite some time now. He raised a questioning eyebrow at the expectant expression. 

“I believe you should rest my boy, before the order meeting,” Albus declared with a rather pointed look. 

“What is the point, I cannot possibly be in attendance, as you well know Headmaster,” he retorted, purposefully missing the point of his mentor. Who remained entirely impassive, besides tilting his head to the side with the characteristic all-knowing look in his eyes. 

Severus rolled his eyes and huffed. “No need, I am-“

“Fine?” Albus interrupted, vaguely amused as he eyed his former student up and down. Severus’ shoulders deflated slightly and he gave Albus a dry look, lips pursed. 

He was acutely aware of his likely very disheveled appearance, surely completed with dark circles under his eyes and he did feel vaguely queasy. Not that he would ever admit to it. He would never be able to sleep with such an overload of nervous energy. 

“This is what sleeping draught and dreamless sleep are for my dear boy,” Albus chimed in and Severus glared. 

“Stop using Legilimency on me,” he growled, and to his great annoyance, Albus merely laughed softly. 

“I did not even have to try, you were nearly projecting your thoughts Severus,” he explained with an apologetic smile. “Another clue telling me you should rest. You never fail to raise and keep up your shields.”

Severus sighed. Despite the annoyance surging out at Albus prodding, the old man was quite right. Maybe a small dose of dreamless sleep would help him nap for a few hours, it was still quite early and he knew for a fact that he would never be able to wait after the meeting to sleep, not to mention the difficulty of staying focused while exhausted. 

“I will take a nap if you insist,” he finally drawled. He entirely ignored Albus’ raised eyebrow and amused pointed look. If he had to back down from an argument, at least he would keep his pride intact. 

Soft snoring suddenly filled his ears, and he looked down in surprise as if only remembering Harry was still in his arms. The boy was fast asleep once more, mouth parted and looking smaller and even more vulnerable than he did awake, if it was possible. He stared down at the child, eyes perusing the soft features of his face and landing on the scar marring his forehead. It didn’t look nearly as inflamed as it had earlier now that Poppy had applied Scar removal. She had hinted it would likely never fade due to the nature of the curse that had inflicted it, but it would at least appease the inflammation. 

“What about Harry?” he found himself asking in a whisper. 

Although Severus couldn’t see it, as he was currently undividedly focused on the child, Albus smiled softly at him. Severus eventually looked up when no answer came.

“Poppy is in her office; he has a crib here and despite the less ideal health state of Lily, his mother too is nearby. You can let him sleep in his crib.”

Severus nodded silently and stepped towards the small bed once more, slowly putting the child down very carefully, as if he feared he would break. Harry shifted once he was laid down, moaning softly in his sleep but remained otherwise calm and silent. Severus straightened back up and gazed at the sleeping child once more. On his part, Albus could only stare in near amazement at the sight offered to him. It was quite endearing to see this softer side of the young man before him, so completely taken by this little boy. 

With a small nod in his direction, Severus finally left the hospital wing with his usual brisk pace without a single look back. Albus emitted a very brief and whispered chuckle. This was still the same Severus regardless. 

He was on his way out himself, when Minerva quite literally ran towards him, an alarmed expression etched on her face. 

“Albus I just received an owl from the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes,” she all but panted, nearly choking up after her run. 

“Albus raised his hands in a placating manner, before reaching for her shoulder to help steady her as she was doubled over trying to catch her breath. 

“Please breathe first. What is it Minerva?” he asked after she had taken a few deep breaths. She leveled a horrified look up at him. 

“Sirius Black was arrested a few hours ago,” she whispered, her voice shaking and Albus found himself staring at her blankly. “He killed Peter Pettigrew and twelve muggles.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did do my research regarding this rune thingy, and got puzzled for a while because there are a loooot of sources; ended up just picking one that fitted what I wanted to say. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you liked this chapter! :)


	4. 1rst of November 1981

“How could he do this…” 

Albus sighed and could only stare at the defeated young man seating opposite his desk. Remus was hunched over, head in his hands and despairing over the news he had just been given. 

The Order meeting had gone just as expected. All remaining members had assembled, waiting for him to dispel doubts about the rumors that had scorched the country nearly since the tragedy in Godrics Hollow had taken place. Relieved clamor, joyful cheers and happy crying had replaced the hushed whispers and hopeful murmurs, everyone embracing each other, jumping and dancing. The end of Voldemort had dispelled the heavy clouds obscuring everyone’s lives since the beginning of his reign of terror, seemingly glossing over all the despair and deaths it left in its tracks in favor of rejoicing for a Dark-free future. 

Maintaining order as people nervously waited for his declarations had been hopeless, and more than pointless afterwards. Albus had not seen the point in sharing more than necessary amidst the jubilations and elated exclamations. It meant withholding any news regarding the allegations against Sirius Black and the young man’s recent arrest, or Lily’s condition. He had not, however, been able to hide the fate of young Harry. People had asked how their feared enemy had met his demise and as much as he wished it wasn’t so, it could not be explained without mentioning the toddler. His statement was barely delivered before hails for the “Boy-Who-Lived” had resonated within the halls, to Albus’ great displeasure. Something would have to be done to protect the little boy’s childhood. Neither becoming an arrogant , pompous child or constantly harassed and approached for his fame sounded particularly appealing, and Albus vowed to himself that he would ensure Harry grew up without interference from both the too-well and ill-intentioned extremes of their wizarding communities. 

Other matters required to be attended first however. Remus had come back from a particularly sensitive mission for the order that, considering the recent events, did not need any more attention and had missed on the meeting. It was just as well, mused Albus, in light of the news he had to share with the young man, who had obviously heard about the rumors, and had been eager to hear what had occurred. Before Albus could attempt to explain things however, he had received a patronus from Cornelius Fudge, keeping him updated on Sirius’ arrest. Remus had frozen on the spot, blood draining from his face as he seemed to piece things together. He had crumpled in on himself before Albus could answer the frantic questions – “Please tell me it isn’t true, please tell me Sirius did not betray James and Lily” – and had been muttering to himself for several minutes. 

“I don’t understand… How could Sirius _do_ something like this… I mean, he loved James and Lily; and oh Merlin, Harry…”

Albus could only share in the sentiment regarding Sirius’ fate, but had to frown at the misconceptions Remus had formed from the news he had received. He rose from his chair, and circled around the large desk to come and sit next to the distraught wizard, intent on dispelling the assumptions.

“Remus,” he said and came to rest his hand on the young man’s shoulder. Despite his soft voice, Remus flinched, and snapped his head up. His eyes were red and blown, a wild look in them. The loss was evident. Albus could almost see it screaming in agony behind the brown orbs. This was not going to be easy. Clearly Remus had assumed the whole family was dead, horror and pain mingled in his expression and swimming in the fat tears rolling down his cheeks. The survival of Lily and Harry was a marvelous turn of event, but Albus still had to inform the young man of the death of his best friend, presumably at the indirect hand of – who Albus suspected to be – his first love. 

Despite his doubts regarding Sirius’ suspected betrayal, Albus could in no way share them with Remus insofar as they were just this: doubts. If his years on this earth and the wars he’d gone through had taught the old man anything, it was that appearances were nothing else but deceptions. One was easily fooled if they only thought with their eyes. 

Never the boy had shown any inclinations to the dark side, despite his family history. If anything, he had perhaps been one of the most ardent defender of the light _because_ of his family history. He had been particularly vocal at school in his divergence from his family’s traditional affiliations and quite intransigent regarding dubious allegiances. It had unfortunately meant shutting out any member of Slytherin house, including his own brother, but there was nothing for it. These flashy assertions may have all been an act on the young Black’s part, but Albus had trouble seeing sense in this hypothesis. 

Regardless, and again, Albus needed to take care of dispelling Remus’ inaccurate assumptions before he could focus on delving deeper into his own theories around Sirius’ supposed betrayal. The old man held the wild look, pleading for any sort of reassurances, a fool’s hope that perhaps none of it was true. Albus sighed nearly inaudibly and attempted a small smile. His heart was not entirely in it, but he hoped it would not appear so to his old student. 

“Harry is alive, Remus,” he started, his voice soft and leveled. “Lily, although currently in a magically induced coma, is as well.” He paused, unsure as to how cut short the fire of hope that would be sure to caught up with the wizard as soon as the shock wore off. 

Remus stared, uncomprehending. And then he looked like he just swallowed something too big, chest seizing as he gasped in and out. The realization gained him all at once then… That his unofficial godson was alive, his childhood confident and friend too, while his best friend was not. This could not come closer a definition for bitter-sweet, and it showed in the way Remus chest heaved as his sobs regained fervor, his shoulder sagged as if delivered from a terrible weight. He fell forward, or at least it seemed so to Albus, until the old man realized that Remus had grabbed his robes and was now sobbing into his chest. The old wizard sighed once more, feeling the sadness emanating from the younger man and circled his arms around the thin shoulders, holding Remus as he poured his heart out, and drawing circles onto his back. He stayed silent, for no words could ever alleviate what Remus must have been feeling, so many emotions all at once, and crashing against each other. This was it. There was no more wild hope as the reality had finally clawed its way in the young man’s consciousness, hammered in by Albus’ words. It was perhaps not as tragic, as painful as his first understanding of the situation… And yet it was still piercing his heart again and again, wringing it mercilessly as the loss settled in.   
And so Albus simply held him, rocking him gently and silently. He would accompany him to see Harry and Lily later, after he had calmed down and perhaps slept. Things never will be the same, but perhaps they will be alright. At least, Albus vowed to do everything in his power to ensure they would. 

*

“How do you explain the destruction and the muggles, Dumbledore? Not mentioning the state we found Pettigrew in! All we could find was a finger!” 

Cornelius Fudge had been raging for the past half hour against the perfectly reasonably sound argument Albus had been filling against arresting an innocent. The claim of innocence was probably what had pushed the younger wizard off the rail, and he had gone a surprising shade of purple, in his attempt to contain the verbal assault that was sure to ensue. Or perhaps not, as it seemed Fudge had needed several seconds of sputtering and incoherent mumbles before he regained full reign on his verbal capabilities. 

“INNOCENCE?” he had eventually bawled, incensed. “THE MAN MURDERED THIRTEEN MUGGLES AND HIS BEST FRIENDS! HE WAS LAUGHING LIKE A MANIAC OVER WHAT WAS LEFT OF PETTIGREW! LAUGHING you hear?! He had bloodstains on his robes! He sided with You-Know-Who and betrayed us all, that’s what happened! Pettigrew was saying as much before he was pulverized to death! How can you even presume calling this innocence?”

As per usual, Albus had remained seated, perfectly calm with his fingers steepled in front of him. He had thought particularly hard on the matter, and discovering that Sirius’ wand had been about to be snapped in two before any form of trial was conducted had only increased his suspicions. Condemning a wizard to Azkaban and snapping his wand without a trial was far from unheard of especially in recent times, when war had been in full swing. Bartemius Crouch Sr. was particularly ruthless in his means of dealing with suspected Death Eaters, combatting fire with fire, and going as far as authorizing unforgivables against suspects. Considering what had been said about Sirius’ behavior at the crime scene, Albus had to admit the case was compelling. 

Be that as it may, the war was over, and the crushing evidence against the young Black being what they were, a trial should have been nothing but a mere formality, a way of returning to some sort of normalcy. That Crouch was circumventing around this basic principle of justice did not surprise Albus in the least, but it did flare up some alarm signs in his mind telling him to follow up with the proceedings. 

“Yourself admitted to suspect a traitor amongst your midst,” Fudge had eventually mentioned, once he was finally calmer. Albus had looked up at that, giving the man a piercing look despite his unreadable expression. Fudge had winced slightly and color flushed his cheeks, instantly looking vaguely abashed. “I heard you speak with Minerva once before one visit,” he mumbled under his breath, not looking apologetic enough in Albus’ opinion. The old man lifted an eyebrow minutely, further cowering his interlocutor who looked away with a huff. 

“Be that as it may, I never suspected Sirius,” he lied smoothly after a few moments. He had, in fact, suspected Sirius for a short time. He had suspected every single one of them for some time. No one jumped to his mind as he had considered the possibilities, but a good spy never would have. Despite not agreeing with the method, Albus had unapologetically fell back on using Legilimency on Order members unannounced to try and single out the one that might have been passing on information to the opposite side. He had managed to eliminate quite a number of individuals, namely those he knew had never learned any sort of mind defensive magic. For all of Sirius’ skills and training in occlumency however, the young man had never been particularly focused and keeping his shields up in at ease situations had never been either his forte nor his priority. Albus had quickly assessed Sirius allegiances, and moved on to other members. He was not naïve enough to solely base his conclusions on his skills in legilimency however, and just as the rest of his assumptions and knowledge regarding the young man, it could all be a deception. 

Or a set up. 

Regardless of his past suspicions and own investigations on the matter, Albus would not let the matter rest before he could examine himself the evidence. And that meant having access to Sirius’ wand, as Peter’s had mysteriously disappeared. _“Likely blown up like the rest of him,” had said a particularly unhelpful Fudge._  
Fugde paled. “You didn’t…?” he said quaintly, before visibly shaking himself up and adding more strongly. “It doesn’t matter, Bartemius Crouch has already sentenced him to Azkaban and he’s being sent there as we speak.” Albus’ expression hardened minutely at the words. “His wand should be snapped any moment…” __

_ _Fudge trailed off and seemed to shrink as Albus slowly stood up and stared down at him for a full minute before turning away and approaching his floo. _ _

_ _“What- what are you doing, Dumbledore?”_ _

_ _“Flooing Bartemius myself as it seems you cannot relay a simple message my dear Cornelius,” Albus declared with steel in his voice. If it was possible, Fudge paled even further and blabbered once more. Really, it seemed to be the default answer with this man. _ _

_ _Albus paid him no mind and stepped into the Floo, fully intent on clearing things up. He gave one last nod to the man still standing aghast in the middle of his office as the green flames flared up; and if the hint of red now coloring his cheeks were anything to go by, the mockery hadn’t been lost in translation._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never fully understood why Dumbledore never looked further into Sirius' apparent betrayal; I think I read somewhere that he suspected a spy within the order around the time Voldemort attacked the Potters, and since as far as he knew Sirius was the secret keeper, then it made sense. But with how insightful he always appeared to be, it seemed really strange to me that he would just leave the matter alone with getting to the bottom of it... 
> 
> Anyway! Let's just call that my attempt to 'fix' it :) Hope you liked the chapter!


	5. 8th of November 1981

A knock had Severus look up from his work station, which was clustered with heavy and dusty tomes stacked on one end, some more opened on the other and loose parchment sheets littering the remaining space. There was barely any inch of parchment that was not covered in his thin and spidery handwriting. The notes had been taken furiously out of every potentially useful book he could have gotten his hands on. Nothing was even remotely close to the problem at hands, but it was information nonetheless, one he couldn’t afford to pass on if he intended to give himself the best chance to find a remedy for Lily. 

A second knock seemed to remind him a verbal answer was needed for whoever it was bothering him. He grumbled under his breath at the interruption but gritted out a reluctant “Enter” nonetheless. The door instantly cringed on its hinges at it swung open, revealing his old transfiguration professor. And she did not look particularly happy if the thin line of her lips was anything to go by. Severus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Funny how cheek was something he resolutely and absolutely abhorred in children but could barely refrain from using himself. 

In any case the young man schooled his expression into the blank mask that seemed to have become his trademark in recent times, and patiently waited for the witch to make her way up to his desk. She distastefully eyed her surroundings before lifting her gaze up to her former student with disapprobation. Before Severus could utter an unsavory remark, a quick glance around was enough explanation for her reaction and he thought it wise to keep his mouth shut.

The room was dark… Too dark, and as he took it in, he realized there would be hell to pay for his eyes to get accustomed to natural light once he got out of the dungeons. It was dusty and had been entirely enclosed away from the outside world for Merlin knew how long. There were cauldrons there and about, a few simmering, others thrown haphazardly in the corners with their remains coating the floor, walls and ceiling where it either exploded or fell over. He was lucky he hadn’t poisoned himself. With the remnants of dozens of potions mixing together and now dried on the cold stone, it was a miracle the room was still standing. The young potion Master only now realized how foolish his attitude was, and the full scope of what could have happened finally struck him. 

Still, he made no show of that, other than shutting his mouth to seal away whatever unpleasantness he had been about to utter.

“You’ve been cooped up in here for nearly a week, Severus,” Minerva admonished in her usual stern voice that yet could not entirely mask away the concern that was also present in the look she was giving him. “The elves reported you barely touched your food in the past forty-eight hours and judging by the looks of you, you haven’t slept either. Or showered for that matter,” she added with a nose frown. 

Severus stiffened, but merely lifted an eyebrow. “What gave you the impression I did not sleep,” he started, entirely ignoring the second, insulting part of her statement, but was interrupted by a deadpan more powerful than his best glares. 

“You look like a panda and smell like a raccoon Severus.” 

Severus could only open his mouth and close it like a gold fish, before emitting an undignified huff. He scowled and turned his attention away from her. She likely had a point but he would in no way whatsoever acknowledge the potential truth of her words. _This_ was more important than his personal health. Or hygiene. 

The last of his experimentation simmering in his last clean cauldron was proof of the contrary when it started bubbling dangerously, a foul gas slowly diffusing in the already stiffening atmosphere of the potions lab. Before he could even comprehend more than imminent explosion, Minerva had vanished the content of the cauldron and cast a few air cleansing spell. 

The room was danger-free before Severus could even think of reaching his wand. He sighed and sagged onto himself, nearly falling in the chair behind him. He dropped his head in his hands, breathing slowly. 

He heard Minerva draw a chair for herself but paid her no mind until she spoke again. “You’re doing Lily no favor by keeping yourself hidden in here, stupidly risking your life over experimentation you are in no state to indulge in,” she stated softly. 

“_Indulge_ in-“ he snapped, head shooting up only to be met with an unflappable look and raised eyebrows that only dared him to counter her argument. He closed his eyes slowly and breathed out, the fight leaving his frame just as quickly as it seized it. She was…unfortunately, absolutely right. He had always prided himself on his excellent safety procedures when dealing with hazardous ingredients and manipulating them into experimenting new concoctions and he had broken every single one of them. Tenfold. And that was putting it mildly. 

Yet he couldn’t refrain from the next words to fall out of his mouth. “I am doing this _for_ Lily,” he muttered lamely. 

“And what good are you to her if you kill yourself because you were too distracted by the previous failures and caught up in yet another book to realize you cannot leave boom berries and stewed mandrake to simmer without supervision,” she countered. 

“It wasn’t unsupervised” he lamely defended. 

“And yet, it still nearly exploded in your face. Brilliant supervision Potions Master,” she said dryly. 

He deflated once more, sighing deeply. 

He eventually opened his mouth once more, hands clasped and elbows on his knees, staring into space. 

“I don’t know what to do.”

If she noticed how his voice nearly broke, she didn’t comment on it, thank Merlin. Boy, he was pathetic. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it. He was desperate. As soon as the Order meeting had met its end, and wizards and witches went to celebrate the end of an era of terror, he had gone back to Lily’s side. Harry had been asleep then, quiet and unperturbed in his crib. He had sat to the chair he had been glued to in the early hours of Lily’s stay in the hospital wing, and once more looked at her unmoving form. He had stayed until the early hours of the morning. The same pale rays of light had penetrated the room and cradled the space in cold and sad light. One last look at the sleeping little boy before he was gone from the room, Poppy never realizing he had been even there, as fat as he knew. 

Since then though… Since then he had found himself down here, surrounded by a familiarity that used to have been a sanctuary in his darkest moments and was now only an irritating frustration. He had always been good at potions. Some would even say a genius. It had always come easy: the way ingredients interacted with each other, catalysts, and experimentation. The simmering of a cauldron was music to his ears and the sight of a perfectly brewed potion a comfort. 

A comfort he used to share with Lily before his hastily thrown words drove them apart. Now Lily was in a coma, her husband was dead and her son as good as an orphan, all because he had been craving attention and affection in the midst of a madman’s machinations for world domination. Now he was in the middle of a room that more closely resembled a war zone than a potion lab, after starving and exhausting himself for a week for the sake of creating useless mixtures because he was too perturbed to even think properly. 

He nearly flinched when he felt a hand on his shoulder and cursed himself for the instinctive reaction. Habits die hard. 

Minerva, bless her soul, did not say a word about it either, and simply squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. “How about you do nothing for at least the next twenty-four hours? Get some food into you, and some very needed sleep.”

“But Lily-“

“Lily will still be there in a day or so, Severus,” she admonished gently yet her tone bode no argument. “For better or for worse, she still has seven months in that state, if Poppy’s estimations are correct – which they usually are. We have seven months to solve this puzzle, and we _will_ find a solution.”

Her words soothed a little bit of the despair he could feel nagging in the pit of his stomach, but not enough to keep his mouth shut. He bit his lip and lifted concerned and frowning eyes up at her. 

“What if we don’t-“

“We _will_,” she cut him off, a hard edge to her voice and her expression as sharp as the edge of a blade. “She did not survive that blasted curse only to slip through our fingers once her baby joins us. Lily is a fighter, a lioness,” she added with a hint of a smile tugging her lips. “She proved it alright.”

Severus could only echo the sentiment, face lightening up oh so slightly. He still felt as if in the bottom of the deepest well on earth. But at least now he could see the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I'm being honest, kinda admit that Snape in the books was really not the nicest person. To put it mildly.   
Didn't prevent me to indulge into the rainbow-and-unicorn-idea that just because he protected Harry for Lily, his treatment of him in school was ok, that maybe he didn't actually hate him, and that maybe he was just pretending for the sake of his spy position... Yeah, no. 
> 
> But I still like the idea! I've read tons of fanfic about Snape mentoring Harry and whatnot, and really loved to see a softer side to him, so that's what I'm going for in this fic! I hope you'll like it and that you enjoyed this chapter.


	6. 11th of November 1981

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This shouldn't even be considered a chapter with how short it is but since I'm updating several chapters today, I don't feel too bad about it :)

For reasons she could not fathom, there was only a single thing that made Severus come out of the moody, dark shell he seemed to have locked himself in since that fateful night.

Severus had been working tirelessly in his lab nearly as soon as the news of Lily had come to light, and it was only thanks to Minerva’s prodding that he eventually came out of his self-imposed isolation. After her first warnings, he had been much more careful to watch for his own health while experimenting variations of current restorative potions. Obviously never had there been a case of a patient needed to be brought back from a coma induced by a millennia old love protection spell that supposedly shielded said patient from the killing curse. While expected, the frustration that came out of accumulating dead ends upon dead ends had quickly turned the usually sour young men into a nightmare. It was not rare to have Severus switch between barely acknowledging someone’s presence to snap at said person viciously like a rabid dog. Albus had had to intervene when Severus had sent more than half a first-year class into a crying fit ten minutes into their first-period. Since then he simply kept himself away from most of the staff and as far away of the children as he could possibly get into a fifty-square meter classroom. 

Which is why, she was now staring in complete awe to the young man playing in the snow with a heavily bundled up toddler. Said toddler was laughing this crystal, chirpy and communicative laugh only children can produce as he tried to grasp the small snowflakes Severus was making swirl around him. The young man was sitting on a rock under one of the many trees of the grounds, watching the little boy with a small smile tugging at his lips and a more peaceful expression than Poppy had seen on his face in a very long time. He was watching down on the boy, patiently moving his wand around for his sole amusement, occasionally getting up to adjust the toddler’s scarf or hat, encouraging him back up when he fell and generally watching over him with what she would risk herself calling affection. 

Strange, how things worked. For the only thing to bring Severus out of his somber mood would be this one dark-haired, green-eyed, little boy.


	7. 16th of November 1981

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's today's second update! :)   
Enjooooy

“Sirius!”

Remus hurtled down the front stairs like his life depended on it, before flinging himself onto the newcomer and both toppled down to the ground in a chorus of tears and laugh. Albus chuckled at the sight, his mirth only increasing as he took in the reactions of the rest of his staff. Minerva was pressing both her lips together in an attempt to keep from laughing while Pomona had none of her restrain and was watching over the boys with crinkles around her eyes and Filius’ eyes were suspiciously wet. Unsurprisingly his Potion Master was nowhere in sight, likely brooding in his quarters or experimenting in his lab. Or both. 

It had taken a while to reason someone as inflexible and ruthless as Bartemius Crouch into allowing an investigation and a subsequent trial to take place in order to confirm or refute Sirius’ guilt in the attack on the Potters. Crouch had been ridiculously intransigent, and Albus had not been able to move past the “Sirius Black was the Potter’s secret keeper” argument for over an hour. This had been Albus’ main proof of Sirius’ guilt as well, and as such he had been quite indulgent at the beginning of the meeting, before the man’s stubborn blindness had started grating on his nerves in a way that even Cornelius had not managed. For the sake of not rendering things harder for him than they already were, he had maintained the perfect image of the collected and wise grandfather figure he so often sported, but it nearly had been all he could do not to explode all the windows of the overly lavish office. The heated argument – on Crouch’s part – was thankfully interrupted when the Minister Bagnold herself came in the office, interrupting the broken record rant Albus had to once more patiently sit through. As efficient as ever, she had overruled her head of justice department and signed an investigation order, assembled a team and gave Albus free reign in conducting the proceedings in less than an hour. 

His first stop had been to visit the Magical Law Enforcement Squad, responsible for taking Sirius in and allegedly still in possession of the young man’s wand. He discovered that _priori incantatem_ had indeed been cast and that none of the recent spells included the Blasting curse, which was responsible for the death of the Muggles and the destruction of the street. A report had been written, yet no one had followed up on it, and said report had lost itself in the unfathomable depths of the Ministry administrative ocean. He ordered several members of his assigned team to gather the names of the witnesses for him to interrogate once more and gathered that most of their memories were far from as accurate as everyone had seemed to let on. Albus went as far as using Legilimens on every single one of them, and discovered that not only the memories were quite blurred in the middle of the chaos that had reigned that night, but that most of them had only inferred on who was the attacker and who was the victim based on the sole declamations of Peter. Albus had subsequently decided a visit to Azkaban was in order. Sirius had been exactly as described: apparently as mad as hatter, alternating between laughing hysterically, screaming manically and rocking his curled body back and forth. It was a pathetically pitiful sight to witness one of his brightest students ending up in a cell, apparently demented and potentially responsible for one of the most horrendous crime he had seen as of late. For what other words could be used to describe the betrayal of one’s brother? 

Although as days passed, Albus’ doubts on that version of the events only strengthened in light of everything new to come to light. The wand showed no signs of blasting anything in the last days before the attack and the witness’ version of events was not quite as probing as he had initially assumed. Now that Albus was standing in front of his former student, he could not help the pained tug at his heart the sight caused. Sirius had only been here for a few days and already looked ravaged by the Dementors. He stood there for several minutes, and was quite taken aback by Sirius’ reaction when the young man finally took a notice on him. He jumped to his feet from the crumpled position he’d been sitting in, and was facing Albus, gripping the bars of his cell tightly in a matter a seconds. The look on his face was so reminiscent to Remus’ from that day in his office that Albus’ breath hitched imperceptibly. A tortured, despaired look lit otherwise dull eyes, worry and pain etched all over his face. 

“Albus, Albus, how’s Harry? Where is he, is he safe? What about Lily? She’s alive isn’t she? I didn’t dream that? Did you find Peter? Oh please tell me Harry is alright!”  
Sirius had croaked out the words in raspy voice and started crying by the end of it. Albus could only stand there, aghast and unmoving as the young men dropped to the ground in silent sobbing, murmuring pleas and Harry’s name. 

Albus had gotten him out in the hour. 

After the brief moment of shock hefted away, the anger followed suit. Engulfing, blazing, and terrible anger. Why no one had thought of questioning this man under Veritaserum was beyond him. Considering Crouch’ method of justice, he should not have been surprised, but the last of his doubts had flown out the window, all replaced with the destroyed form of a suddenly very young looking Sirius Black, pleading for his godson to be safe. 

His directive had spurred quite some protestations from the head of the prison but they didn’t last long. No one in their right mind would willingly oppose an angry Albus Dumbledore. And so Albus took Sirius out of the prison after requesting a legal transfer out to the Ministry and there the young man had been interrogated under Veritaserum in the presence of the entire Wizengamot. As it turned out, Sirius and Peter had switched place in being the Secret Keeper for the Potters without informing him, and it had been the latter who had betrayed the family to Voldemort, leaving a devastated young wizard to act upon his grief and fury in pursuing the one he knew to be responsible. The man had not been sorted in Gryffindor for nothing… Acting before thinking was taken to a whole new level in the case of young Sirius Black. 

A week or so after his arrest, Sirius had been freed and acquitted of all charges by the Wizengamot and referred to a Mind Healer at St Mungo. A week’s worth of Azkaban might have brought about a laughable amount of damage compared to the average convict’s time, but it was still enough to induce some sort of psychological issues, especially in the traumatic context in which Sirius had been incarcerated. He had spent a week or so in the Psychiatric ward of the hospital, resting and attended by a Mind Healer twice a day to assess the damage and help him recover. Seeing as he recuperated quite quickly, he had been sent home – or in this particular case Hogwarts where his _family_ was waiting – with the personal apology from the Minister of Magic herself. 

It was with a particularly satisfied smile that Albus watched the affectionate reunion taking place in front of them. They all deserved some good news. He noticed that it had gotten quite the attention as a few students in the park were looking curiously at them, whispering in each other’s ears. 

“I’m so sorry I doubted you, so so so sorry,” Remus was repeating over and over between his tears while Sirius only tightened the hug they were engulfed in, patting the other’s back and murmuring reassurances. 

“You couldn’t have known, it’s ok, I’m ok.”

After a while, they had attracted quite the crowd, including students that had known the two from attending Hogwarts at the same time, and Albus thought it time to bring them both inside. He clapped his hands once, commending the attention among all present, and amiably directed the students back into the castle and for Remus and Sirius to follow him. 

As happy as Sirius had been to reunite with Remus, the young man perked up further at the call from his former headmaster and Albus smiled knowingly at him for he seemed to have grasped quite quickly their destination. 

They had moved Lily in a private room of the Hospital Wing after first being examined that Halloween night. It was equipped with permanent monitoring charms that ensured both her and her baby’s condition remained stable and would alert Madam Pomfrey of any changes. They had decorated the room so as it less resembled a ward for terminally ill patients and had ensured to create a small wing attached to both said room and Madam Pomfrey’s office for Harry to stay in. It was where Albus led both youngsters after greeting the Matron and allowing a few minutes for her to welcome Sirius back. 

She gave him a pat on the cheek before letting him go, and Sirius could only produce a faltering smile. The young man seemed restless, wringing his hands nervously as he tentatively stepped into the room. He stepped into the padded floor of Lily’s room, and reached her bed in a few steps despite how cautiously he took each one. Remus stayed behind, having spent a considerable amount of time beside her since he had come to learn of her condition. In fact Albus was amused at how prodigiously acrobatic both he and Severus had shown themselves to be, in avoiding being in each other’s company while both spending a lot of their time next to her. On hindsight, perhaps Severus’ self-imposed isolation had helped somewhat with that. Albus could only hope that Sirius’ arrival in the castle would not upset the potion master further and result in him shutting out more. 

Sirius sat down on the same chair everyone had sat on next to the slumbering young woman, and took her hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb gently. Lily had been a big presence, not only for James, but for Sirius, Remus and Peter as well. It was a shame the latter had not proven worthy of it, but Albus knew for a fact that Remus and Sirius were caring for her deeply, as they would a sister.   
Sirius stayed by her side for a little while, murmuring words Albus couldn’t hear, but considering the small smile on Remus’ lips and the moist in his eyes, it must have been good. When he got back up and approached them once more, Sirius’ nervousness hadn’t abated and he looked up unsurely at Albus, lip caught between his teeth. 

“This way,” he indicated with a hand gesture towards the closed door leading to Harry’s room. Both young men followed him, but stopped dead in their tracks after Albus after he opened the door and froze on the spot. 

Well, _this_ he had not expected. 

Severus had shed his austere teaching robes, and was left seating on the floor in black slacks and white shirt, sleeves rolled up. In front of him was Harry, babbling enthusiastically and showing off various cubes before he pushed them in the right holes of the little wooden puzzle in front of him. It seemed that both the boy and the man were entranced in the game, for neither reacted at the door opening. Severus was answering every single one of Harry’s more often than not non-sensical sentences, nearly beaming – well, Severus Snape’s version of beaming – whenever the boy actually answered properly to a question or a comment. 

Sirius and Remus had managed to take a peak from above each shoulder of the Headmaster and were now standing either side of him, flabbergasted. Albus observed their reactions carefully, knowing of the feud the three of them had entertained at school and unwilling to let it derail now. He relaxed minutely as he saw Remus’ shocked expression turned into a wistful one, carefully observing the other wizard with a hint of amusement that was nothing but genuine. 

Sirius on the other hand, seemed lost as to what reaction he ought to have. Not that Albus could blame him, considering every single one of his teaching staff, including himself had needed time to wrap their head around Severus Snape caring for little Harry Potter. Then again, the little boy had all of them wrapped around his little finger already. 

Albus purposely shuffled his feet, perhaps a little more loudly than necessary, and the potion master looked up, instantly losing the serene expression in favor of a deep scowl at the sight in front of him. He nearly jumped to his feet, snatching his teaching robes off the armchair he had abandoned them on, and they were back on in the next second. 

“Black,” he nearly growled as he threw a venomous look to the newcomer. The word seemed to break Sirius’ shock bubble for his expression soured considerably. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the sole consequence and all men’ attention soon turned to the nearly forgotten presence in the room when Harry whimpered.   
The Potion master hasty movements and sudden change of attitude seemed to have frightened the boy, and the atmosphere of the room had considerably chilled in a matter of seconds, something the boy had obviously picked up on. 

All the mounting anger in Severus evaporated and he dropped to the floor next to the toddler, shushing him gently as he reached out to gather him up. Harry accepted the embrace readily, like each time Albus had seen the young man pick him up, and the little boy snuggled in the potion master shoulder, sniffling a few times. 

Albus threw a side glance towards Sirius, who yet again looked like a goldfish, the previous emotions once more evaporated to be replaced with shock. The old wizard had to repress a chuckle at the sight and if the knowing glance from Remus and the dark look from Severus were any indication, he perhaps had not been as successful as he had thought. No matter. 

“Hum,” Sirius eventually and very intelligently said gaining an eye roll from Severus who was still rocking Harry very slowly. 

“Get over yourself Black, I won’t break him,” Severus bit out scathingly. Sirius’ eyebrow rose and could only stare with wide eyes, unable to think of a comeback.   
“So that’s where you had disappeared to Severus,” Albus intervened, eyeing his old student pointedly with a faint smile. “I was afraid you had cooped yourself up in your lab to find a remedy to Lily’s condition again.”

Severus scowled at the twinkling in the old man’s eyes, and even more so after both his former classmates looked up at him with surprised expressions.   
Damn the old man. He just knew that Albus had purposely revealed his whereabouts to…what? Break the ice between them all? Fat chance. They both had almost managed to kill him not even ten years prior and received absolutely no retributions for their actions. How was he supposed to get over that? 

At Albus’ pointed look, he huffed and turned his back to him. No one was more surprised than he was when Harry straightened away from his shoulder and looked at him intently with those big green eyes of him, before putting his chubby hand on his cheek. Severus deflated like a balloon and he sighed deeply. How had he become so complacent in the little boy’s presence so fast, he’d never know. Regardless, he closed his eyes for a moment before finally turning back around. The mutt was here to see his godson after all. Despite his private vow to protect the child Severus had technically no right to be here, he thought bitterly. 

As he lowered himself to the floor and started putting Harry down, the toddler looked at him questioningly. Severus only smiled and placed him facing the other three. It only took Harry a moment to recognize the new arrival, and his entire face lit up with wonder, a big grin splitting his face. 

“Pa’foot!” he screamed before half-waddling half-running over to his god father, who had snapped out of his trance to lower himself to Harry’s height with his arms wide and an equally happy smile on his face. 

As soon as the little boy had reached him, Sirius was swirling him around and engulfing him in a tight bear hug. 

“Oh my Harry how I’ve missed you,” he said, eyes closed as he relished in the embrace and stroke Harry’s wild locks softly. 

“Miss Pa’foot too,” the little boy’s muffled voice said. Sirius felt himself forget the past week, the despair and the hurt; it all melted away from the comforting warmth now resting against his chest. 

He had been devastated when he discovered the house in the state it’d been in, and had broken down at the sight of James’ lifeless body. It had taken him several minutes before he had the courage to climb up to the first floor and go check on the rest of the family. He heard Harry’s cries first, lost in the harsh wind that was engulfing itself through the blown up walls. He had stood there, mouth agape with his cheeks drowned in tears from James as he stared at the unharmed form of his godson. He had expected to find the little boy immobile and lifeless, and he was faced with a crying toddler. He had been approaching the crib when he noticed Lily’s body, sprawled across the floor and his tears had come flowing back. Until he realized, like Minerva, that a dead body could not be warm. He had felt a pulse and a small laugh drowned in tears had escaped from his lips. Lily and Harry were alive. How, he had absolutely no idea, and he couldn’t have cared less. For as soon as the reality dawned on him, another thought, viciously unpleasant, poisonous, had made it to the forefront of his mind, drowning everything else. 

Peter. 

Peter had done this. He was secret keeper. The Fidelius charm could in absolutely no way be broken unless the secret keeper talked. Burning rage filled him then, blurring his sight, making him sick to his stomach. He couldn’t think as he retreated back out of the house, the fury consuming everything. He would kill the bastard. He would find the despicable rat and kill him, destroy him. All his certitudes had blown up to his face in that moment. Sirius had been supposed to be the Secret Keeper. James would be alive, Lily and Harry would be unharmed, if only they’d gone ahead and made _him_ the secret keeper like it was intended. And yet no, Sirius had trusted Peter blindly, and thought it would be safer for the family if their secret was kept with a less obvious choice. It was his fault… He’d insisted with James for Peter to take his place and now he was dead. 

Sirius had been sick that day, before reaching the muggle street where he caught up with Peter, and had emptied the content of his stomach in painful heaves for long minutes. He had needed several minutes to be able to stand up. And then he had run after the disgusting traitor. 

Then everything had blown up to pieces and he lost it. So stupid… He had been so stupid. 

And now he was with Harry. The little one he had sworn to James he would protect. The little one he would never abandon again like he had done in that house. Sirius felt the sting of tears in his eyes once more as he listened to the soft breathing and the little “pa’foot” the boy was whispering over and over. He would do right by him. Never again will he make the mistake of leaving him. 

Another thought came up then. Unwelcomed, but factually true. He looked up at his old school enemy, who was watching entirely elsewhere. Sirius kept staring until eventually Severus felt the eyes on him and turned to him with a surprising lack of scorn. No this time it was the blank unreadable mask that met him. 

Snape had not left like he had. Snape had stayed, despite Harry being the son of James. Remus had told him how Albus and Minerva had found the place when they had turned up, not long after he himself had left. They had found Snivel- Snape embracing the little boy and calming his down. Something that Sirius had failed to do, too caught up in his idea of revenge, he had left himself consumed by his rage and ran out of the house without second glance. 

Snape only stared back, eyes, unfathomable black pools, strained on him unblinkingly. And Sirius did the only thing to do and mouthed: “Thank you.”

Snape kept staring, until he finally blinked and gave a curt nod, before departing the room in his usual swirling of black robes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda what I mean't with the tag 'Albus being fed up with MoM' :D   
I actually wondered if having Sirius being anything other than an a** towards Severus (not that it isn't reciprocated, don't get me wrong) was realistic or not for a time, but as I wrote this, it just felt right so I went along with it. I really liked the result, and I hope you did too! :)


	8. 4rth of December 1981

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjooooy :)

“That’s a rare sight, Sirius Black studying,” said an amused voice that had Sirius smile to himself before he even looked up, only to find Remus leaning on the door jamb with his arms crossed. 

He rested his chin onto his hand and smirked at Remus, raising an eyebrow. “Oh is it? How do you think I went through Hogwarts, hum?”

Remus had the audacity to snort, and untied his arms, stepping forward in the room. “Winging it,” he drawled, eliciting a laugh from his companion. He came to sit next to him, inching closer in order to read the title of what Sirius had been enthralled in. 

“_Causes and Remedies of Magical Comas_”,” he read thoughtfully. “Is it informative?”

It was Sirius’ turn to snort. “Informative sure. Useful? Absolutely not.” He sighed and dropped his elbow from the surface of the table, lowering his head down. “The more I research and the less I seem to learn… It’s like swimming against the current… No matter the effort, I don’t seem to advance even a centimeter.”

Remus nodded, understanding, as he leaned back in his chair and looked at Sirius’ vaguely defeated expression. They gazed in each other’s eyes for a moment, both only half present as the rest of their mind was held back by the very reason as to why Sirius would find himself stuck in the library so soon after being freed. 

“I’m starting to understand why Snape seem to look like he emerged from a tombstone every other day,” Sirius mumbled eventually. Remus kept on watching him, a small knowing smile gracing his lips that had Sirius frown. 

“What?” he asked a little defensively. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing really, I just noticed how you haven’t called Severus any deprecating name since you came back.”

The statement seemed to take the young man aback for a moment, for his eyebrows shot up and his eyes stared into nothingness as he considered the words. He hummed, musing. 

“You’re right… Hadn’t even noticed actually.”

“Well, that’s good,” Remus stated firmly, straightening back forward. “This stupid schoolboy quarrel had to stay just that. I would have hated for you to fuel it further with more nonsensical rivalry.”

Sirius rolled his eyes at the admonishment. 

“Don’t roll your eyes at me,” Remus exclaimed as he pushed a laughing Sirius. “You two nearly growled at each other the first time you met again! Stop laughing Sirius!”

“I’m sorry Moony,” the animagus finally managed to say between bouts of laughter. Remus huffed indignantly and had to resist the urge to cross his arms petulantly. Only Sirius could get a rise at him with the most ridiculous things ever. 

“No you’re not,” he ended up saying, shaking his head fondly. “What made you decide to let go though? This feud between you guys,” he clarified in response to Sirius’ inquisitive expression. 

Remus watched as his lover’s expression closed off minutely, taking a sad edge that he was hard-pressed to understand the origin. He waited patiently for Sirius to find his words, as it was obvious he was reluctant to share what was on his mind. 

“I just…” he started, before sighing deeply and straightening back up. He twisted his body to face Remus and rested his hand in his palm, trying to look nonchalant. To absolutely no avail. Remus knew him too well and saw right through it. Sirius was uncomfortable with the topic, but for reasons he couldn’t yet fathom. Remus cocked his head sideways and kept on silently waiting. 

Sirius swallowed and took a deep breath. 

“I was stupid, that night,” he tried again, and Remus blinked startled by the direction the conversation was heading in. “I went to James and Lily’s you know… I saw him dea-” he nearly choked on the word and had to swallow around the lump in his throat, frowning. “Dead. James. He was just lying there, cold and unmoving. I saw Lily too, and realized she was alive, but hurt. Harry was crying, bawling his eyes out really…” he paused, eyes glazed over as if the memory was replaying right before them. It gave Remus chills down his spine, face soured by the loss of their friend and the retelling of that night. 

“I could have stayed you know,” Sirius continued, staring in Remus’ eyes. “I _should_ have stayed. Harry needed me, Lily needed me… James was de-gone, but they were still there. And yet I just lost it and ran,” he spat out, looking disgusted with himself. Remus took in a sharp intake of breath, starting to comprehend where this was headed. “I could only think of one thing: how I wanted to find Peter and destroy him. I wanted to kill him so badly for betraying James and Lily like that. I pursued him without looking back. Lily was injured, Harry was distressed and crying and I just…ran. How pathetic is that?”

“Sirius-“

“Don’t please,” he interrupted, shutting his eyes tightly as if it would keep out Remus’ next words. He didn’t want to be consoled or reassured. What he had done _had been_ more than stupid; it had been selfish, horrible and so incredibly pathetic. And now he had to live with it. To learn how to live with the guilt that kept on assaulting him, catching him in moments of inattention. He was the luckiest man on earth that Albus had had suspicions about his guilt and pressed the matter deeper until he revealed the truth. He would never have been able to live with himself if that mistake had cost him the years he could have had next to Remus and in Harry and Lily’s life. 

“He was there.” 

Remus looked up again as Sirius spoke once more. He didn’t need to ask who _he_ was. 

“He was there when I landed my sorry ass in Azkaban because I was too brash – again. I thought he would have hated Harry for the sole reason of being James’ son, and yet he was the one who comforted him that night, and the following nights. Minerva told me what he did for Harry, and what he’s been doing for Lily. Remember when I reunited with Harry?”

Remus nodded quietly. “That’s when I realized that despite all our differences, he did something I should have and didn’t. He was there for Harry and that’s worth far more than anything he could have done during our school years.” Sirius winced as he seemed to consider something else. “Especially considering I was the one who instigated most of the bullying against him.”

“That you did,” Remus said, tone slightly cutting. It had Sirius look up at him in surprise at the change of atmosphere. One look at him and Sirius deflated with understanding, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Bad habits die hard. 

“It was only a joke, Moony, honestly how long are you going to be mad-“

“He could have _died_ Padfoot!”

Sirius swallowed and laughed nervously. “Don’t be so dramatic-“

“Dramatic?!” the other whisper-yelled, glaring at his idiot of a best friend. “Worst case scenario, he would have died and you would have made me a murderer! Best case scenario? I would have turned him into a werewolf, therefore ruining his life and _I_ would have been the one having to live with it! How’s that for dramatic?!”

Sirius had blanched facing with the incandescence of the other’s ire, and he could only swallow, wide eyed as he surveyed Remus as if he was about to attack him. 

After a few seconds, Remus released a deep breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, and leaned back in his chair again, closing his eyes and passing his hands over his face and hair. He suddenly looked exhausted and Sirius couldn’t help but feel bad for it. 

“Alright, you’re right,” he amended. “I was a selfish prick…”

“Damn right you were!” Remus cut him again, looking back at him with exasperation. “I’m glad you’re ready to push past your differences, but Sirius…” he trailed off, sighing yet again. Dear Merlin he sounded like an old rag, he needed to stop sighing so much. “Unless you think back on what you actually did for you guys to end up to this point, your truce won’t matter. It’s all well and good you feel indebted to Severus because of what he did for Harry and Lily, but he wasn’t the one who had to redeem himself here. Not to you in any case,” he added upon seeing Sirius’ expression. “He may have made some…questionable choices – yes alright very questionable but who are you to talk? – but in regards to _you_ he only ever gave back what you stroke him with.”

They stayed silent for a while, Remus attentively looking at Sirius as the other looked down to his hands, obviously pondering Remus’ words and being very perplexed by them. Remus pursed his lips and raised his eyes skywards, reigning in his patience. He was glad that Sirius was at least taking him seriously, but he couldn’t help but shake his head fondly at the complete lack of understanding written across the other’s face. 

“I just don’t want you to confuse everything. You can’t just brush past everything that happened if you want to have a normal relationship with him-“

“Who says I want a normal relationship with him- Oww! What was that for!” he exclaimed, cradling the arm Remus had just slapped. Hard. 

“Don’t snap at me! I’m only doing that to help you! You won’t have a choice in the matter; for better or for worse, he _is_ part of Harry’s life, and you said so yourself, he’s good with him, for him.”

“I said no such thing,” Sirius countered petulantly, earning himself a deadpan. 

“You basically _implied_ it. And any idiot could see it. You’re Harry’s godfather, but seeing how Harry attached himself to Severus, I suggest you ensure you can at least be civil to each other-“

“We _are_ civil to each other- yeah ok I’ll shut up now.”

“Let me rephrase, I’m afraid subtlety doesn’t work with you. You are currently being insanely good at doing the absolute bare minimum in regards to civility. Congratulations, you nod at each other instead of hexing each other’s ass to oblivion! That’s improvement, I’ll give you that. So instead of giving you a choice, I’ll just _tell/i> you: go bloody apologize to the man for at least this one time! You don’t know what it feels like to be faced with an angry werewolf ready to bite you,” he added more quietly, grasping Sirius’ attention. He felt a sudden surge of guilt upon realizing that Remus was remembering the time he had been beaten. He was about to open his mouth to try and make amends for his complete lack of tact but was cut short by Remus who seemed to emerge out of his short reverie and snapped his eyes back up to his. _

_“Understood?” he asked, face hard and look unwavering. _

_Sirius found himself nodded frenetically, very keen on not angering the werewolf further. Remus didn’t relax much but at least he didn’t look ready to slap him again._

_“Good,” he stated with a nod of his own, before getting up. Before Sirius could even think of reacting, Remus had pulled him forward by his tie and pressed a hard kiss on his lips. Only when his brain caught up with what was going on and he thought of answering, Remus had let go and swiveled around, living the room without a look back, leaving a dazed and open-mouthed animagus in his wake._


	9. 20th of December 1981

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! Sorry for the slight delay, I moved to the other side of the world and it was kinda hectic. 
> 
> Super short, but next chapter will be up at the same time!

It wasn’t long before life got back to a slow running and quiet river. Poppy could only marvel at the normalcy that seemed to have settled around them once more. 

After Sirius had finally reunited with Remus and Harry, both he and Remus had been staying at the castle in order to be close to both Lily and the little boy. They had their own quarters in the guest wing of the castle, relatively decentralized from the main areas of student lives, but they more often than not ate their meals with the rest of the faculty. Poppy had expected virulent protests to come from that, but oddly enough, Severus had remained entirely silent on the matter. Something must have happened that she had missed, for never in their school years would those three have behaved with such civility towards each other. Severus and Sirius mostly avoided each other, but would nod somewhat respectfully – if a little stiffly – to one another if they crossed paths. She had even seen Severus and Remus converse a few times. Poppy could only guess that their new-found decorum was mostly for the sake of Harry, and in a sense, Lily. 

Speaking of whom, she entered the small and warm room in which the young woman rested. At the eve of Christmas break, her state had so far been perfectly stable, and she was starting to show.

It was quite satisfying to see, in a peaceful sort of way. It seemed to be the perfect illustration for the adage of ‘life always finds a way’. Lily was, considering, as healthy as they could hope, and the baby was developing quite nicely. Poppy had added all the monitoring spells she could possibly think of around both the mother and the baby as to ensure she wouldn’t be missing anything important. 

It didn’t prevent her from performing checkup spells quite frequently. Perhaps more frequently than reasonable, but who ever said than added precautions were unreasonable? Poppy moved around Lily’s bed, and performed her routine spells, checking for every single potential pregnancy complications and disease of all kinds, both muggle and wizarding. Everything seemed perfectly fine as usual, but she always felt a little anxious before getting the results. She straightened back up once it was done, a satisfied smile etched on her lips, threatening to widen into a large goofy grin. 

Yes, all was good. In fact, more than good for she had acquired new information quite recently that she had wanted to proof scan after some time and Poppy felt elated by the unchanged results. She had been trying her hardest to keep the news to herself when she had not be certain and now that she was, it would certainly prove even harder to keep it quiet. She wasn’t sure whether Lily would want to know, or have anyone know, the gender of her baby and Poppy didn’t want to make the mistake of overstepping if the young woman would have wished to keep it quiet until the little one would be here. Despite the circumstances of Lily's pregnancy, it only felt natural for Poppy to treat the matter as if everything was absolutely normal. Lily couldn't let her know if divulging the information was alright. 

And so she kept quiet. Not that she had anything else to do but simply not mentioning anything related to gender in her conversation with other members of staff, for none of the _gente masculine_ concerned with Lily’s well-being were particularly aware that it was a thing they could know in advance. The only ones Poppy really had to be worried about were Minerva, Pomona, Wilhelmina and Sinistra, although only the first one showed herself to be interested enough in the news to pester Poppy with questions that came out as subtle as if blurted out by first-year Hufflepuffs. Beyond the particularly unimaginative ways Minerva had come up with in trying to get an answer out of her, life at Hogwarts was slowly back to a level that could be qualified of uneventful, and it seemed to suit both students and professors alike, quite perfectly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost didn't post this chapter in the end because of how short it was. I kinda liked Poppy's inner thinking though, so kept it!   
Hope you enjoyed it anyway!
> 
> Oh also, don't know if "gente masculine" is used in English or not, just thought it sounded nice; fancy french way of referring to men, and we mostly now use it in this sarcastic/endearing kinda way.


	10. 21rst of December 1981

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you go! Second update today! 
> 
> Happy reading!!

“Hello Lily.”

Severus sat on his chair next to her bed, just as he did every single time he visited his best friend. He stayed silent for a little while, relishing in the quiet of the cozy room, filled with subdued but warm lighting despite the heavy snow swirling outside and the wind occasionally howling behind the windows. 

“I finished a bash of nutrient potion today. Several actually,” he eventually went on. “I improved the consistency and nutrient per drop ratio, Poppy says it’s been doing wonders to ensure your weight doesn’t drop. We can’t really allow that, can we?” 

As usual, no answer met his words. He wasn’t surprised, although he couldn’t help but consistently feel the sharp sting of disappointment wrapped in resigned sadness every single time it didn’t come. He looked down, eyes settling on Lily’s now clearly showing stomach. Blankets were covering most of the lithe frame, and protruded in her midsection more distinctly as time went by. He didn’t dare touch her, beyond taking her hand in his. For all it was worth, Severus still acutely felt responsible for what had happened to the Potters and anything more than seldom squeezing her hand felt like intruding or a violation of some sorts. It had surprised no one further than he to realize that he hadn’t taken the news of Lily’s pregnancy in any bad way at all. Nothing like when he had heard about her first. He had drink himself to sleep that night, and ten hours of sleep later, still had been utterly and completely unable to do more than whisper-grunt through a splitting headache for the next ten hours after that. 

Not his best moment, and it had not instill any vote of confidence in himself for the second time around. And yet, he had felt nothing, expect for formidable relief that Lily wasn’t dead. She wasn’t dead, and if that was thanks to carrying a child, then so be it. That baby wasn’t even born and had already done more for her than he had. Severus winced and rolled his eyes at the thought. He’d just have to protect that little one too. Like he had vowed to do for Harry. 

Harry who was now, strangely enough the least annoying person in Severus acquaintances. Who would have thought. It wasn’t like he had particularly brilliant conversations with the toddler, and the boy would alternate between babbling nonsensical stories about dogs and brooms or listen to _Severus_ talking about potions and brewing theories for hours, staring at him like he would a big jar of candy holding the secret of life itself.  
Now that he thought about it, perhaps Lily had in fact told similar tails of famous brewers to her son. Their love of potions was something they had shared before he had to blurt out offensive stupidities. In any case Severus felt a little sense of pride that the little boy would find his stories – and by extension _him_ – fascinating enough to listen and had found himself unable to speak when the toddler had exclaimed that “Sevvy is ze best magician ever” with his chubby fists in the air. 

He didn’t feel crushed by the weight of what he had set himself to do when he spent time with the little boy. The potion he was so desperately trying to compose for Lily wasn’t anywhere closer from being done and even he had to admit that it was taking its toll on him. The crushing weight of defeat and powerlessness settled itself over him a little further each time he ran into a dead end. Even with his occlumency shields, he often found himself a prisoner of anxious, desperate, raging thoughts that perhaps he had set himself for failure, nurturing a hope that will never be rewarded and that he was fated to lose Lily yet another time. It was becoming harder and harder to push those thoughts away, and it seemed only the little boy could alleviate the burden he was plagued with. 

The knowing looks he received from literally the entirety of the teaching staff was infuriating, the bewildered stares of the children were hilarious, but most of all his own feelings regarding the boy were entirely new and positively terrifying. Lily, and perhaps his mother, were the only people he had ever loved. He had nearly always been shut out, bullied, laughed out and any declination of similar treatment, by everyone around him, and such things like opening up had not been part of his realm of understanding before he had met Lily. And then again, he had not been a particularly quick study in the matter. Now he found himself nothing but the epitome of vulnerable whenever he was met with the laughing or crying green eyes that were not merely a carbon copy of Lily’s anymore, but entirely ‘Harry’. The little boy who could make him smile at the most simple accomplishment, drop everything he was doing at the drop of a hat or give him a heart attack for bumping into things or falling. 

On a closer look, Severus had found easily enough that Harry did not share that big of a resemblance to James Potter. For having viewed pictures of Lily around the same age, Severus could very well recognized that the color or shape of Harry’s eyes were not the only things he had inherited from his mother. The shape of the face, nose and cheekbone were identical, and Severus dared think it would outlast the stage of infancy. Not that it mattered anymore. Severus would be hard-pressed to compare the little one he was – dear Merlin, help him – caring for, with his childhood nemesis. 

“Poppy says your baby is developing perfectly according to plan. It’s the right size and its heart seems already quite strong, not that I know how she can tell these things. Harry is well too you know. Growing as fast as a weed, and laughing more every day. I keep watching the dogfather in case he does anything stupid, but so far he’s been decent. Or as decent as the mutt can be,” Severus told her. He looked at her, pondering his words for a second. It seemed as if her unmoving face still held some sort of answers to everything he could think of saying. But oh how he longed to hear her voice… 

“Alright, he’s actually more than decent. Harry rarely stops grinning when he’s spending time with him. I think it’s the dog that does it. Perhaps Black would be more agreeable if he stayed in his dog form permanently. That’s a thought, perhaps I should find a spell that makes the transfiguration permanent.”

And still, Lily didn’t move. 

Severus sighed deeply, daring his hand forward to grasp hers. It was warm, and he could feel her pulse beating steadily. He frowned. She was there right in front of him, and yet wasn’t. Her absence had never felt so keenly raw than recently. 

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, talking to her. Only that when he left, it was dark and he didn’t feel any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no idea how advanced a-not-yet-two-year-old-toddler is with speech, so let's just pretend that Harry can actually talk about Severus in these terms.


	11. 3rd of March 1982

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little time jump... We can't have them stuck in 1981 forever.

“How can you say that?!”

“Severus, please calm yourself,” Albus tried for the umpteenth time, only to sigh deeply as he was once more interrupted. 

“I’ve been working on this for more than _four_ months and I’m not getting any closer to find anything even remotely suitable to help Lily,” the potion master went on, too angry to notice how desperate he sounded. “The only thing we’ve heard from Poppy is that everything looks normal, but how can being stuck in a magical coma be _normal_, Albus!? None of us have any idea of what is bloody going on, besides the fact that it looks like Lily’s magical core is fed by the baby’s life; what happens then that’s not the case anymore, hum? And don’t you dare tell me we still have two months because I _will_ fully lose my mind and attempt to murder you!”

Albus sighed and thinned his lips at the outburst but made no comment. “Do you have the slightest idea how hard it is to have to hear Harry ask when ‘Mommy’s waking up’? How painful it is to watch him talk to her and nearly cry when she doesn’t answer?” 

Severus was panting by the end of his tirade, red to the face and eyes haunted. The situation was desperately taking a toll on the young man. Albus was well placed to attest to that. As much as Sirius and Remus were concerned with Lily’s condition, and did their fair share of research on the matter, they were not alone. They had each other, and despite everything, Albus had to admit it made a very wide difference in how they could endure the uncertainty on Lily’s future. 

Severus had no one. He did talk with the staff, opening up to Albus, Minerva or Poppy occasionally and even tolerated both Remus and Sirius, but that was it. The rest of the time Severus was working himself to the bone between his classes and his research, spending time with Harry in his off time. It was quite grieving to observe and Albus was afflicted by his inability to find a suitable solution. Severus had retreated to himself further and further as the months went by, and now less than two months away from Lily’s supposed delivery, he was truly starting to downward spiral. 

“Of course you don’t! The boy is literally holding back tears whenever he asks! Looking at me with those big green eyes of his, filled with hope that I have to betray every single time. You should see the look on his face! He’s not even two and already tries to hide his pain. He fails miserably mind you, but it shouldn’t be the burden of a two-year-old to bear!”

“Perhaps he spends too much time with you,” Albus couldn’t help but remark, earning himself a dark look. 

“This is not funny Albus.”

Albus’ face darkened. “Have I ever pretended otherwise Severus?” he asked, tone making clear what answer was expected. Severus winced and turned away for a moment, upset. 

“What are we going to do Albus,” he said after a few seconds of silence. “What are we going to do with- for Harry when his mother doesn’t wake up?”

There was such finality in Severus’ words that Albus felt suddenly very old. He had thought of this. A lot. And like the rest, he couldn’t fathom what magical prowess would ensure Lily’s recovery subsequently to her baby’s birth. Hope was not entirely lost though. It wouldn’t until they had tried everything. Albus had been exchanging with a few of his trusted relations, but had been particularly picky with whom he decided to share Lily’s predicament. He couldn’t risk this to reach the wrong ears. Nicholas Flamel was one he contacted and from whom he learned that the Elixir of Life might preserve Lily’s life but wouldn’t help in rousing her from her coma. It could gain them more time to figure something else out, but it was the high risk of such a strategy that had Albus warry of relying solely on it. He had not been the only one reaching out, and many of the staff had, after seeking approval with him as to whom they could explain the situation to, reached out to various of their own relations. They were exploring every single branch of magic to solve that puzzle, from healing plants to mystical creatures. The only thing they had stayed cleared of after extensive research was Dark Magic. For what Dark curse could help break a magical coma born out of love while preserving the life of the patient? None of the things Albus had learned or read would enable them to help Lily and this kind of magic always had a price. One he feared was too high on all those involved. 

The old man looked up and his eyes fell onto the contemplative potion master. Severus was standing arms crossed in front of a window, brow creased and eyes unseeing. 

“Isn’t the Elixir you concocted helping though, my boy?” he risked asking. Poppy had come to him about what the young man had produced several weeks ago. She had looked hopeful and pleased as she announced that the potion seemed to be strengthening Lily’s magical signature, implying a stronger core. 

Severus’ shoulders sagged as he sighed and rolled his eyes. “Not nearly enough,” he vehemently retorted, sounding bitter. “I told you, I cannot come up with a permanent, suitable solution! All I’ve been doing is being a short-term auxiliary life-support. The actual power comes from the baby and once it’s gone, Lily will fade. The Elixir just helps in the meantime –what, I wonder, considering…”

“I am wondering though Severus,” he said, waiting to have the young man’s attention before continuing. “If the Elixir strengthens Lily magical core, shouldn’t that mean she will be able to sustain it herself once the baby is not there to support it?”

Severus opened and closed his mouth like a gold fish, unable to find any answer. For there was none. This was entire speculation on Albus’ part, but ever since Poppy had come to him and explained her findings; he couldn’t stop pondering over the possibilities. He had not stopped searching in the meantime of course, but this development was indeed, very encouraging. 

Severus finally stopped gaping, and his eyes hardened once more, face closing off. “We can’t be sure of that. The only way we’ll know if that’s enough is when the baby is actually separated from Lily, and if it doesn’t work, there will be nothing we can do anymore, it’ll be too late.”

Ah. So there was it. Severus had indeed explored the possibility too, probably before Poppy had even realized what was happening. He simply did not dare hope. And instead was swallowed whole by his despair. Albus couldn’t blame him. He seemed at rope’s end, emotionally wrung, exhausted and seemingly out of option but to wait things out. For all that Severus was patient in many regards, he wasn’t one to sit and let things unfold without ensuring they did unfold in the desired direction. He would never wish to play with Lily’s life by risking being wrong on the potency and potential of his Elixir. 

“I don’t know what to do…”

The words came out so quietly that Albus would have missed them if the room had not been so utterly silent. For the first time in a very long time, Severus Snape sounded young. Very young, and Albus felt his chest constrict at the vulnerability he detected in the voice he barely recognized. 

He took in a deep breath. What to do indeed. This wasn’t a simple matter that any of them could walk out of unchanged if matters did not turn out for the best. The old man knew that whatever he chose to say next, Severus would listen and hold on to it until everything was over. He couldn’t choose how things would turn out and he couldn’t set up Severus for further pain if all their efforts remained fruitless. 

“We don’t give up.” 

Severus looked up, lips a thin line and turmoil in those black orbs. “We do everything we can while we still can. In the meantime, the Elixir is helping, regardless of whether it ends up saving Lily, it still helps to ensure she remains healthy.” 

Severus winced, no doubt as he considered the expiry date of such ‘health’. It wasn’t a very encouraging thought, but Albus couldn’t blame him for his cynicism. It had always been part of the young man’s arsenal in how he went through the world around him, like an armor against all its harshness. And harshness he had known. Too much and too young. 

“This is the only thing we _can_ do Severus. Give up our efforts, our time, our energy into finding a remedy that will bring Lily back to us. We cannot control how things will play out once the little one is born; what we _can_ control is what we do until then.” 

Severus released a shaky breath and nodded slowly. This wasn’t a ‘magic bullet’ like the muggles said. But this was the reality of things, and the sooner they all came to terms with it, the easier it will be to face whatever the outcome of Lily’s pregnancy was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoooyed it! :) Don't hesitate to leave kudos or comments if you did, I'd love to hear what you think!


	12. 21rst of May 1982

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty! Got delayed by a typhoon! 
> 
> I was really anticipating this chapter for several reasons, and I hope you'll like it!

Poppy woke up with a start. All the monitoring charms were flaring up in alarm, tearing the silence of the night with piercing cries. She didn’t take a second to process what must have gone wrong. She knew. She had both her Healer and woman instinct behind her, and she knew. She jumped out of her bed, only pausing to grab her wand and send a patronus to Albus. He would see to contacting who he saw fit. Poppy had neither the time nor the prerogative to make that decision. Severus might have been helpful considering his skills, but this was too close to home and considering the past few months, she couldn’t picture him keeping his cool in this situation. 

She grabbed her healer’s apron as she passed through her office in the infirmary before pushing open the door that led to Lily’s. She must have forgotten to close the door between her and Harry’s room, for the alarms had woken the little boy and he was screaming and crying in fright at the sudden and strident noise. 

“Milly!” 

A little elf popped up in the room, only to retreat a few steps back in surprise as she too was assaulted by the noise. She quickly regained countenance and her big round eyes searched immediately for the matron. 

“Mistress Poppy, Madam, has called for Milly?” 

“Yes, please go take care of little Harry over in the other room. If he doesn’t calm down seek Pomona or Minerva, but only if you really cannot calm him down.”

“Miss, Yes Miss!” she exclaimed, her posture straightening with determination and she popped out and in the next room. 

With a quick wave of her wand Poppy had closed the door and nullified the alarms, as she now stood right next to Lily’s bed, already reading through the magical chart that recorded every observation made under the exhaustive monitoring charms. She quickly skipped to the why the alarms had gone off. She knew what to expect but wouldn’t move on if she wasn’t sure. 

Her eyes danced on the page, until she paused for merely a half-second. There it was. She discarded the parchment, and waved her wand over the still unconscious body. As she performed her last test, the door opened, revealing Albus and Minerva, closely followed by Severus. Hating being distracted in her work she nonetheless looked up to the headmaster, wordlessly asking why in the world the young man accompanied them. 

“Severus was with me when I received your patronus my dear,” he answered in his ever-calm tone, eyes quickly assessing the scene. In any other situation, his answer would have earned himself a feral glare from said young man at being talked over, but in this present case, Severus seemed completely lost to the outside world, but for the red-head about to give birth. 

Poppy quickly went back to her task, finishing the last test. Vitals normal, the baby wasn’t in distress, and everything seemed to indicate for a safe c-sect-

In barely a second, there was a sharp intake of breath and Lily opened her eyes, screaming her head off in agony, causing all those in the room to jump out of their skin, yelling in fright and Poppy to nearly drop her wand. 

Lily’s eyes were screwed shut, teeth clenched and uncovered as she tried to contain her cries. Her hand came to cradle her stomach instinctively and she moaned in pain, exhaling as deep as she could through the pain. She shouldn’t have been to term yet, but as consumed by the pain as she was she didn’t – couldn’t, really – seem to realize anything amiss. 

“It hurts,” she bit out, panting, her voice raspy. 

That, broke everyone’s shock at seeing the young woman awake, and Poppy was the first one to jump back into action. 

“Severus, I want a pain reducer potion. NOW.”

The young man startled, and glanced between the matron and his best friend like a demented owl, before finally getting a move on, to Poppy’s great relief. She had changed the monitoring charms to track both the mother and the baby’s vitals, and checked on the advances of the delivery. There wouldn’t be much waiting to do. 

Severus came back and handed the vial over, seemingly more alert than he had been a few instants before. Without missing a beat, Poppy spelled it into the young woman’s stomach and it seemed to abate some of the pain, for she slumped back on the bed, trying very hard not to whimper in relief. 

A split decision later, she pushed Severus toward the head of the bed. 

“Don’t make me regret this,” she hissed, a hard glare on her face that would hopefully get the point across. 

She conjured a stool and transfigured the bed into an obstetric delivery bed, immediately moving to put Lily’s legs over the holders. It seemed Minerva had stepped out of the torpor as well, for she promptly transfigured Lily’s clothes to accommodate the delivery. Poppy sent Albus in the next room to see to Harry and relieve Milly from the still screaming little boy. 

When Lily opened her eyes, it was to see a pathetically-out-of-his-depth-looking Severus, who as he met her eyes seemed to have entirely forgotten he needed air to breathe. She, on the other hand, was breathing hard, occasionally letting out moans of pain through set jaw, and was staring at him, her green eyes unfathomable and strangely focused considering what she was going through. Severus had no idea what to do; his heart felt squeezed in his rib cage, hammering against it and he positively felt ill as all his guilt decided to surge up once more as he stared into the green eyes he had thought to be the doom of. 

A sudden – violent – contraction seemed to rip apart Lily’s self-control, and she yelled, instinctively grabbing Severus’ hand as she doubled over. Her grasp was so tight Severus thought for a moment she had managed to break it. Not that it would surprise him, but he kept quiet, clenching his teeth instead, and enveloping the top of her hand with his other one. 

“Don’t push yet, my dear, you’re not dilated enough,” Poppy warned after she had positioned herself in front of Lily and put a drape cloth over her legs. 

“I’ll show you dilated,” she gritted out through clenched teeth, and very much sounding like she would rip anyone’s head off if they came too close. Severus blanched and winced but didn’t dare move. 

Despite what she said, Lily heeded Poppy’s indication and as the next contraction seemed to rupture her whole, Lily didn’t push. Instead she crushed Severus’ hand further. Her entire body sagged backward once it passed, and she breathed through what she knew would be a short reprieve. She let her head fall and face who used to be her best friend. 

The one who had introduced her to the magical world and who had been there when she had been shunned out by the sister she had loved so much. And yet also the one who had slowly slipped into darkness and called her a mud-blood. The one who had sold himself to Voldemort and delivered the prophecy that put a target over her son’s head. Oh how she had wanted to kill him when she had learned of it. His own mother wouldn’t have recognized him if she had gotten her hands on him. 

She’d never apologize for that. He had messed up, bad. Actually no, scratch that, he’d royally screwed up. 

She screamed as her body seemed to again rebel against her and pain radiated from her lower back and stomach, down her legs like electricity, tearing it all along the way. She couldn’t help herself, and a few sobs escaped her before she could control them, and once more tried to breathe through it like her life depended on it. 

“You’re almost there dear, you can do this.”

She only exhaled deeply in response, shaky breaths, wet with a few escapee tears and she nodded, turning towards Severus again, eyebrows furrowed. 

Oh yes he had royally screw up. A screw up of epic proportions as a matter of fact. 

And yet. Before she got wind of what he had done, and they had to go into hiding, something had been nagging at her. Constantly in the back of her mind, taunting her. 

_Why_ had Severus so utterly fucked up in such a way? She’d never claim responsibility for the choices _he_ had made, but she hadn’t been entirely innocent. Severus had been alone. 

She had known, before they attended Hogwarts that he hadn’t gotten the best childhood. That those bruises she had spotted more than once didn’t come from running into a pole. 

She had known, after they started Hogwarts, how many of the other students viewed him and treated him. Bullied him for his clothes, his appearance, his personality… 

And for a while they had stood a united front. The first friend she had made in the magical world, the best one so far, and the first friend he had ever made in his life. And then things began to change. For she got along with the girls in her house, and soon with the boys as well. Those same boys who had taunted and bullied Severus for who he was and she had been the one slowly distancing herself by willingly forgetting it. Sure she had tried to help him when James had hexed him that day by the lake. But how long had it been since they had last talked? Really talked, like they used to? 

The truth was, she had been selfish. She had been his only friend, the only bastion against the rest of the world. She had grown greedy and decided she enjoyed the company of her fellow Gryffindors better than she did the lonesome Slytherin. That she didn’t have to be around the skinny, socially awkward boy with a reputation slowly and further tainted by the Dark arts, who associated with all the wrong people and insulted others based on their blood-status.

Lily breathed out as she felt another contraction coming. Oh dear Merlin, it was becoming incredibly difficult not to push. She had to dig her fingernails in Severus’ palm to avoid crying again. She. Would. NOT. Cry. 

Although, she almost could have when Poppy announced, to Lily’s glorious relief that she was at ten centimeters and could start pushing.

And push she did. It was excruciating, draining and fucking atrocious altogether. But she had done it once, she’d do it again. She’d do it a thousand times if it meant meeting her little one. There had been nothing comparable to the elation, pure bliss and unconditional love she had been submerged with the first time she had laid eyes on her Harry. The pain, the exhaustion? It was entirely worth it, and she’d endure it over and over again if necessary. 

It felt like hours had passed, days, weeks even… Like time itself had decided to play another trick on her and after reducing seven months to the blink of an eye, it fancied slowing hours into years. 

She was on the brink of exhaustion when she heard it. When suddenly, the room filled with the shrill cry of a newborn taking its breath for the very first time. And Lily breathed with them. Because they were here, and she was going to meet them. 

“Congratulations Lily,” Poppy declared, her voice suspiciously strangled. She got up, holding a little bundle – how had she gotten the time to transfigure a blanket was beyond Lily – and approaching her. Lily quickly tried to sit up, barely noticing the helping hand she received from her side as her eyes were glued to the bundle. “You have a beautiful baby girl.”

Lily laughed, hot tears rolling down her cheeks as she got to hold her little girl for the very first time. She was perfect. 

“Hello,” she murmured through her tears, and a small but no less radiant smile on her face. “Hello baby girl. I’m so happy to meet you.” The little girl scrunched up her face, letting out a few wails as she moved her hands around a little. “Oh no no no, don’t cry; mummy’s here.” She rocked a daughter gently while keeping her close to her chest, bending to kiss the little head. “You’re safe and sound, I promise. Mummy will always protect you.”

Lily swallowed even as she said those words. They reminisced something that seemed to have disappeared from her memory…something she shouldn’t have forgotten. Now that all the excitement was over and that she was holding her baby safe and healthy in her arms, her brain was flaring up in alarms. She looked up to Severus for a second, before taking in the room around her. Poppy. Minerva. Albus. Severus. 

She took in a sharp intake of breath, her heart seemingly caught up in her throat. Something wasn’t right. She opened her mouth, willing the words to come out but all that did was shaky breath and a lonely traitorous tear. 

“Where-“ she had to swallow the lump in her throat as she looked between her former headmaster and head of house. “Where is James?”

She knew. Even as she said the words she knew. If Severus was here, if James wasn’t and if she was alive and now a mother of two, then that meant… 

She didn’t miss the looks on Minerva and Albus’ face. She didn’t miss the sudden tension in the room. Neither did her daughter for she started crying softly. Lily looked down, escaping the answer she could read written across their expressions and in the glances they threw at each other. 

“Hey baby girl,” she cooed, her voice wet with unshed tears, before shushing her very softly, rocking her along. “It’s ok, Mummy’s alright, I’m here.” She repeated this like a mantra through the tears that she couldn’t hold back anymore. She could barely talk around the lump in her throat, the gaping hole her chest, and the queasy feeling in her stomach. 

He was gone. 

He’d never meet the second of ‘the best gift he could ever hope for’. She sobbed and looked skywards, rocking herself back and forth just as much as she did her baby girl. He was gone, and she’d never see him again. He would never see Harry and his daughter grow up, he’d never grow old with her. He was gone and she felt broken. Through the joy of meeting her little one, she had to face the anguish of his loss. It assaulted her like a tidal wave, like she was caught in the midst of an unrelenting cyclone, pushing her, twisting her, and leaving her gasping for breath. For that’s what it was. She suddenly felt like his absence left her incapable of breathing. He’d been her anchor, her person. And now she was lost at sea, in complete darkness. 

She didn’t know how long she kept on crying, sobbing her heart out until it was sore and bruised and broken. She had relented her hold on her baby girl to Poppy for her to examine her properly some time ago, and now she felt drained. 

No more tears came. Her eyes felt itchy and puffy, and her nose was running. She had a pounding headache and every limb was as heavy as lead. Even her breathing was ragged and slow. The colors faded on the edge of her visions, the shape blurred and her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton. 

She thought she heard something… someone…call her. Didn’t they? Maybe she had dreamed it… Yes. Maybe if she closed her eyes, it would all go away. No more pain, no more sorrow… It would all disappear and she would be alright. Just for a little while-

*

“Lily? Lily!”

The cry of alarm got the attention of the remaining assembly. Minerva was ordered next to the baby while the matron rushed to her patient’s side. 

“Lily, stay with us! Please! Lily!” Severus was crying out, shaking her by her shoulder, his face distorted with anguish. 

Poppy went for the magical signature first and as she feared, as they had all feared, it was withering, her magical core fading slowly. There was a moment. An indescribable moment that seemed suspended out of time, when all around her faded and when the harrowing realization crashed down on her. A moment when she didn’t know what to do. When the suddenly imminent and inexorable end of a girl she had thought saved, crashed upon the matron and she couldn’t breathe. 

Opposite her, Severus was panicking. Lily wasn’t answering anymore. She looked like she had lost consciousness. He could feel her pulse, but it was weak. He knew damn well what that meant. Poppy seemed frozen in place and it was the last nail in the coffin. Lily was dying. Her magical core had indeed solely been supported by the baby and now that she was born, there was nothing holding Lily onto the right bank of life. 

“Don’t you dare,” he screamed, frantic and crazed, cradling her face in his hands. “Damn it! Lily, wake up!” 

A spur of a moment realization took a hold on his thoughts and before he had even comprehended what it told him to do, he had a flask of the latest version of his Elixir, the one that had most strengthened Lily’s magical signature in the past weeks. It couldn’t hurt. She would be dead in a few minutes anyway, he couldn’t lose the last chance he had to try and do something about it. Grabbing his wand, he spelled the potion in her stomach, and when for the reanimation charm. Her body seized up, before going lax against the soaked sheets. He hit her again with the spell. Again, her body jumped up and slumped down. 

How many times he tried, Severus didn’t know. Only than by the end of it, he fell to his knees, exhausted to the point he couldn’t perform any spells, let alone this one. He slumped forward, out of breath and silently crying. 

They had failed. They had gotten her back for a mere few hours and now she was gone. Gone for good-

He snapped his head up at the slow intake of breath, vision blurred by the fat tears in his eyes. He shakily tried to get up, grabbing the edge of the bed to hoist himself on his legs like a baby deer on ice. Once up, he rubbed his hands over his eyes, attempting to clear his vision. 

His heart stopped. For when it did clear, he was met with brilliant, blinking, _alive_, green eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay Lily's alive! Wondered for a while whether it'd be better to have her die or not, but I finally couldn't bring myself to let her go. 
> 
> I realize this chapter was quite the roller coaster once I re-read through it... I'm not apologizing.   
I debated for a while whether I should put that inner monologue of Lily's right in the middle of the delivery. Maybe some will find it odd, but after consideration, I felt it suited the scene well, and I really really wanted to make clear what I thought of the way Lily and Severus' friendship ended... If a person is your best friend, I don't think you'd let what Severus said to her end years of friendship without so much trying to understand... This is my way of explaining how things went down, and I honestly could totally see that happening... 
> 
> Anyway there you go! Final chapter should be posted within this week I think; not really an epilogue, but just to tie up lose ends!


	13. 21rst of May 1982 - Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here you go! Last chapter!! Enjoooy!

“This is truly remarkable.”

“Yes, you’ve said that Poppy. Fifteen times.”

The matron turned sharply to the cheeky young man standing in the opposite side of the room with a cocky smile on his lips that failed to hide the honest relief he felt. 

“You’ll excuse me, Mr Black, if I express my astonishment at having not one, but two survivors of the killing curse,” she retorted, sniffing haughtily to the great amusement of the rest of their little assembly. 

Since Severus’ desperate intervention and Lily’s awakening, it seemed as if they had all been freed from an invisible chain, and entered that sweet and blessed retrieve after a storm. When the sun finally piercing through the dark clouds, chases away the heavy rains washing the earth unrelentingly, leaving the soils damp but rich with the sweet smell of nature. 

Poppy had jumped next to the young woman after Severus nearly fainted in shock at seeing her open her eyes once more. The poor man thought he was hallucinating again. Twenty check-ups later, out of which at least ten were unnecessary, Poppy had not been able to pass over her own shock and kept on staring with suspiciously shiny eyes that had as much to do with the miracle recovery of one of her favorite student than with the opportunity to study such an incomprehensible fate of healing potions. 

The young woman had readily complied with a small smile, genuine but unmistakably tainted by exhaustion and pain. She had been given her daughter back readily enough once Poppy had ascertain she wouldn’t once more fall into any coma, magical or not, and the young woman had been relishing in the comforting warmth of the little one, still fast asleep despite the commotion around her. 

Her heart was still heavy with grief, and anytime her eyes fell on her daughter, her throat constricted further and threatened to sour her mood. As if on cue, the little girl stirred every time Lily did feel such an urge, snuggling further in the young woman’s chest, which never failed to lift Lily’s spirit. She had remained mostly silent throughout the whole ordeal, focused as she had been on not dissolving into sobs at the mere thought of everything she had lost and on coping with what it meant.  
Before Remus and Sirius joined them, Minerva had briefly explained what had happened. Her own memories were hazy and filled with incoherencies that Minerva’s retelling enabled to clear up somewhat. It seemed as if it had been the necessary push she needed to unfold the blurred images of the memories her conscious mind had readily shoved back. Minerva had excused herself for a moment, leaving the young woman to her musings, before she seemed jolted by a thought that had her look up in alarm. 

“Harry,” she whispered, looking around wildly. “Where’s Harry-“

The door of what she did not know had been her son’s nursery in the past several months opened, revealing first Minerva, then Albus carrying a very restless little boy with red-rimmed eyes. Lily drew in a sharp breath at seeing her first baby so grown up, and the instant Harry realized his mother was awake, he jerked back and forth in the arms of ‘Grandpa Albi’ with small desperate cries until he was let down. 

“Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!” he yelled, running with all the might of not yet two-year-old and barreling into the bed, gripping the blanket and desperately trying to hoist himself up. 

To obviously no avail. 

Severus, who hadn’t moved from his spot next to Lily’s bed after he’d nearly fainted at the sight of her awake, stooped down and put the boy on the bed, careful to stay close in case he proved too much for the newborn. 

Lily was laughing and crying, engulfing the little boy into a one-arm hug that was no less fierce than if she had two. Harry circled his arms around her neck, with a big goofy smile on his lips, nearly trembling in excitement. 

“Oh my baby boy, how much you’ve grown! Look at you,” she exclaimed, kissing the mop of black hair over and over and tightening her embrace around the little body. 

“I miss you,” a soft little voice reached her, and she had to swallow back a sob. Seven months. He had been alone seven months while she was trapped in that magical coma. 

She looked up for an instant, something warm and fuzzy awakening in her chest. Not alone. Not really. She swiped the room with her eyes, gaze falling on each and every person in this room that ensured her little boy was well cared for when she couldn’t, that she stayed alive and that her daughter was born without any complication. And she smiled, tears in her eyes, she smiled a genuinely happy smile. 

“I missed you too baby, so so much. I’m not leaving you ever again, I promise.”

That seemed to reassure the boy, for he untangled himself from the embrace, moving so as the side of his body rested next to his mother and under her arm, facing the new addition to the family he had failed to notice until now. 

Harry furrowed his brows, cocking his head to the side in curiosity as he approached the very little pink thing that rested in his mother’s arms. It cause quite the amusement of the adults present when he only stopped at a few centimeters away from the baby, blinking madly, before retreating just as slowly and murmuring: “Mummy, what this?” 

Lily let out a breathy, vaguely wet, laugh and petted the back of her son’s head. 

“That, my Harry, is your little sister,” she announced, looking into her son’s eyes with a smile. Said eyes widened minutely, and he looked back down to the newborn, trying to figure out if ‘little sister’ was a good or a bad thing. So enthralled by the moving little thing, he didn’t notice the amused looks the adults all shared as they waited for the little boy’s reaction. 

The little girl stirred, letting out soft cries, before yawning widely. That took a laugh out of Harry, and he approached his hand slowly. He paused halfway, looking back to his mother who nodded with a smile, and he went to touch the little hand. He gasped softly when small fingers wrapped around his index but didn’t move, only stared wide-eyed. The little girl opened and closed her mouth slowly before a small smile widened her lips. That had Harry hysterical, and he laughed, glancing between his mother and his ‘little sister’ madly. 

“She smile! She smile Mummy!” 

Several laughs erupted in the room and Harry looked up, only now realizing he had the attention of everyone in the room. He blushed and snuggled in Lily’s side, to her great pleasure. She settled her head over his, relishing in the happiness she felt as she held her children safe and sound against her. All wasn’t as perfect as she would have wished, but considering the odds, she didn’t have it in her to focus on what she didn’t have and forgetting what she did. 

“I am quite relieved with how things turned out,” Albus confessed as he sat down in one of the armchairs he had transfigured with Minerva’s help when they had all gathered here following Lily’s awakening. “I feared we had lost you when you lost consciousness earlier,” he added with a more somber demeanor. 

Lily breathed deeply at the words as she regarded her old headmaster. She could not remember where she had been in those few seconds. Just as she couldn’t remember any of the past seven months. It scared her to no end. That feeling of hollowness that crept on her whenever she attempted to remember filled her with a cold sensation that had her quickly think of something else before it could settle. 

She turned to the matron that had cared for her all these months. “I’ll never thank you enough Poppy, for all you’ve done in the past months and saving me,” she said earnestly when she had the older woman’s attention. 

The witch startled a little at the address and huffed dismissively. “Oh dear it was only natural! Never would have I even think of not doing everything I could to keep you with us!” she exclaimed with her usual brisk but warm tone, bringing a smile to the red head that quickly turned into curiosity when the matron spoke again. “Although, it’s not just me who should get the credit.” 

Lily raised her eyebrows, shaking her head slowly intending to ask what she meant before the medi-witch beat her to it. 

“It was Severus who managed to compose an Elixir strong enough to help restore your magical core,” she explained with a quick but pointed look to said young man, who glared at her. He had not wanted his involvement pointed out in any way, and certainly not in this glorified manner. He did not deserve it, it was his fault Lily had needed any help at all in the first place, his fault she had lost her husband, his fault if Harry had had to spend seven months without his mother. 

He knew that his involvement remaining untold to be wishful thinking considering Lily had been the only one unaware of it, and someone would have eventually told her. As to why he hadn’t wanted the matron to speak of it, Severus himself was not entirely sure, besides the ever-present and more than deserved guilt. Thus he let her speak, but reserved the right to glare at her to his heart’s content. 

“It steadily enabled your magical core to strengthen over time; you see it was paradoxically maintaining your baby alive, but also maintained by your baby’s own magical core.” 

Lily took in a breath at the explanation. She had heard it from Minerva already, but put in such a way, it made her realize how dire her situation must have been.  
“The Elixir allowed your core to be on its own so to speak. Although it almost wasn’t enough,” Poppy continued and blinked as the memory of Lily fading closed its cold grasp around her. “If it wasn’t for Severus’ quick thinking and action to administrate you with another dose of the Elixir when you started fading, I fear you would have left us dear.”

Lily exhaled a shaky breath, looking down on her daughter, then Harry who didn’t seem to have grasped much of the explanation, before lifting her gaze to Severus. The young man had stopped glaring, and seemed to have accepted resignedly that his involvement was to be revealed to the one woman he had never wanted to hurt and yet had hurt the most. 

He was looking at the ground and it took him several instants to realize Poppy had finished talking, and to feel eyes on him. He looked up, only to blink and swallow as he met Lily’s unfathomable eyes. He couldn’t read her expression, nor what shone in the green orbs and it left him uncomfortably puzzled, nearly avoiding her eyes for a moment. 

Lily, on the other hand, was given another matter to ponder on regarding the man who had been her best friend. She wasn’t sure what to make of it yet. Her mind was battling itself through several battles, conflicting thoughts clashing together and she wasn’t able to make much sense of them. 

Their situation was, to put it mildly, impossibly complicated. She _had been_ feeling guilty for the part she had played in allowing Severus to wallow in his misery during their Hogwarts years and the way she had treated him, with an indifference he hadn’t deserved, until she finally severed their ties completely. For a long time, the feeling of having abandoned him lingered. Then he had called her _that_, and all the confusion, fear and uncertainty she had been feeling in the context of the ever growing power of a mad man had crystallized in that single word, in the expression Severus bore as he said it. Something had broken inside her that day, her faith that despite all the rumors she was hearing in the Gryffindor common room regarding Slytherins and their allegiances, Severus would never sway that way. 

She had been entirely justified in breaking ties with him that day. Her taking offense was nothing short of legitimized and the only thing to do. And yet, she had felt a bitter after-taste ever since, and she had never been able to understand why before it was too late and Severus had turned himself over to the same mad man she had decided to fight with all her might. 

She had been justified to react the way she had and yet in her heart she had known. Known he had not meant the word. He had lashed out like a wounded animal, and reacted instinctively to try and protect the last shreds of a dignity she had passively watched her new friends tore apart. The anguish she had seen in his eyes when he had come to apologize later had been enough to cement what she had refused to consciously acknowledged: he had not meant it. 

After he had defected to Voldemort and she had further delved into the Order, it had been too late. He had made his choice, she had made hers, and she all her righteous anger against his choice had shoved her guilty conscious further back. 

After all, he hadn’t meant for Voldemort to target her family either, and yet he _had had_ to bring him the prophecy to prove himself to the madman. No matter that he hadn’t thought, couldn’t have predicted that it would lead said madman to her. It didn’t change the fact that James was dead, and she almost could have die to if her runic protection hadn’t held the way she had hoped it would. 

Well…and for him. In the end, if it hadn’t been for him too, she would have died. That was something else she couldn’t simply brush off. By the looks of him, he hadn’t taken the last few months well: he looked exhausted, his eyes were haggard and dark circles weighted on them, his shoulders were sagged, and his skin an unhealthy pale. 

After all the bad blood of the last few years, she couldn’t decide if she was surprised he had obviously put all his efforts into trying to save her or not. 

But she was still feeling the burning anger in the pit of her stomach. She was livid, that his actions had led to her family being put in danger, and James being killed. She hated what he had done… Regardless of his circumstances, regardless of his pain and loneliness, it didn’t excuse him, merely explained. James was dead and Harry could have- 

She stopped herself before she finished the thought and truly – visibly – got angry. Closing her eyes, she exhaled softly.

Ultimately, it came down to this, didn’t it? Would she be able to move past this or would the pain associated with losing James be too much? Regardless, she did not want to react in anger like she had when she had broken ties with him. She had always had her temper, and it flaring up didn’t usually end well. 

She swallowed, coming to a decision. She’d let time tell for itself whether she could try and forgive him. It seemed impossible now. The hole in her chest at James’ lost, the lingering fear for Harry’s life, the thought of her daughter not having been born because she could have died too, all of this culminated in hot, burning anger that she could still feel pulsing through her veins. 

And yet. She wanted to allow herself time to heal, time to get over the high of her emotions so that she could have a clear mind when she decided whether or not she could move forward from his mistakes, and living with consequences of it. 

Besides, what he had done to save her, she couldn’t simply discard that easily either. Only thinking of her children growing up without any of their parents was too much for her to consider without a lump forming in her throat and tears threatening coming to her eyes. 

She looked down on the slumbering form of her daughter and a very calm Harry with his thumb in his mouth and snuggled against her, eyes still riveted to his little sister like it was the eighth world’s wonder. 

As she considered her next move her jaw clenched and she swallowed. Her eyes moved up once more to meet Severus’. “Thank you,” she said, as neutrally as she could make it, while sounding earnest. 

Severus blinked and stared at her an unbelieving expression, mouth gaping slightly. She softened somewhat at that, but managed to control her reaction and simply nodded at him, eyes lowered for an instant. That seemed to jolt him back to himself, for he shook his head and nodded back, swallowing. 

This was more than Severus had ever thought to be graced with, and he would take it. After everything that had happened, anything she would give him, he would take. He did not want to lose his best friend again, and he would try and do everything he could to atone for what he had done. This had just been the beginning, and his vow to protect Harry and… the little girl who, he only realized now, had not been named yet. 

As if reading his mind, Remus had taken a step forward with a soft expression etched on his features and brought Lily’s attention to him. 

“What will you name her?” 

Lily visibly brightened at that, smiling as she looked down on her daughter. 

They hadn’t started to think about names before the world came crashing around the family. But Lily and James had wondered what they would call their first born if they proved to be a girl and after Harry was born, they had toyed around with the idea of having a girl in the future. One name stood out, that James had adored and she had come to love. She couldn’t think of any other name now that this one had taken a hold on her. Her little girl could never be anyone else. 

“Emma,” she whispered. “Her name is Emma.” 

Contentment was almost palpable in the room, reveling itself in the simplicity of the quiet, yet oh so special moment. Sirius was beaming a wide grin down at the little family, with Remus, more subdued yet no less happy, by his side. Minerva was peering down at the newly named little girl with deep softness in her eyes, and Poppy had squealed quietly, joining her hands together as she did. Albus smiled and nodded in appreciation, and Severus too, allowed a very small smile to claim his lips as he regarded the little Emma. It didn’t go unnoticed by Lily when she looked around the room, and the young woman couldn’t help but smile back at him for only a moment. 

The charm in the room was broken, only to be replaced with honest laughter and coos of delight when Harry lifted his head up from his mother’s shoulder to get closer to his sister. “Hello Emma, I’m ‘Arry, your big brozer.”

“Yes my Harry, you’re her big brother. That means you have to protect her,” Lily told him, Harry drinking her words.  
He turned to Emma again and whispered: “I protect you Emma!” 

Lily laughed a crystal and genuine sound. “Good boy,” she murmured and kissed his head tenderly. 

Albus smiled at the portrait. 

All was well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the eeeennnd! 
> 
> I really loved writing this fic, and seeing it completed really made me happy. It's the very first story I've managed to fully finish, and it means a lot to me that I was able to write something that I can honestly say I'm happy about. 
> 
> I think this wraps up the story rather well and (not that I am currently planning on it but) it still gives the liberty to add snapshots of their future life if I ever feel like it. I wanted this to be a happy ending, and I hope it satisfies you as much as it did me. 
> 
> Regarding Emma's name, I had a pretty long list of possible names and toyed around a lot with which I would eventually choose. I asked friends for their opinions, and eventually just like I wrote Lily thought she could never imagine her daughter named anything else, Emma stood out and nothing else seemed to fit! So I stuck with it. It actually understood as 'healer of the universe' if you consider the Germanic root.  
I thought it was fitting ;)


End file.
